 Hi.
This is Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack.
This week, in homes across our great country,
we celebrated Thanksgiving. A uniquely American holiday, Thanksgiving
enables us to spend time with family and friends, lobbyists and lovers,
scalliwags and shvartzes, reflecting on our blessings, engaging in our
customs, honoring our traditions, and talking in an endless monotone
until you tune us out completely and we can say what's really on our minds.
On the morning of Thanksgiving, I enjoyed,
with my two sons, Phong and Willie, one of our family's most cherished
holiday traditions, hunting. Pretty manly of me, wouldn't you say? You
betcha. As we walked through Iowa's tall native prairie grasses and the
stubble - I call it stubble, which is the manly sort of hair that grows
right on my strong American face every day at precisely four-thirty - of the
recently harvested crop in search of cows, I marveled at the richness of our
soil and the impressive productivity of the American farmer. And then I took
me a manly piss against an old rotted log, filthy with maggots. The log,
that is.
Unfortunately the cows were filthy with
maggots as well, which set me a-thinking about the topic of hunger. Because
the blessing of abundant food is not shared by all Americans. My neighbors,
for example, who are literally withering away. Poor devils. The recent
report from our Department of Agriculture documented an increase in hunger
in America, particularly among our children. I pause and think of that
fellow Swift, who once said that the greatest kindness we can show to a
child is to eat him. I'm afraid that, unlike many of my Republican
colleagues in other governors mansions across the land, I disagree.
During the evening of Thanksgiving, my
family joined our extended family for the traditional Thanksgiving dinner.
While we couldn't enjoy cow, we did enjoy turkey and gravy and hot
buttermilk biscuits and a vegetable tray that had everything from artichokes
to zucchini. And mashed potatoes, yams, french fries, and scalloped
potatoes. Yes, like my blue-collared brethren, I do enjoy my spuds. Everyone
engaged in the conversation around the table, from 92-year- old Aunt Jessie
to 10-year-old nephew Jack.
At these holiday meals, you enjoy the
company you have, but you can't help but think of those not present or no
longer here. Unfortunately, right in the middle of pondering, the
doorbell rang. It was my neighbor and his starving wife, along with their
three emaciated children. He told me he hadn't had a bite in a week, and so
I bit him.
As we think about all of our blessings, we
should always stop and say thank you for all those who have served to make
America strong and secure. Yada yada yada. Are you still listening. I
certainly hope not, because I don't have a thing to say. The truth is that
nobody even listens to the president's Saturday address, much less the
Democratic response.
And what sort of a response is this,
anyway. The president says that Thanksgiving is a great day, a great
tradition, and we're supposed to give a differing opinion. Methinks not.
So in closing, let me tell you a little
story that I hope will reflect favorably on me, and build a little of that
good karma which we all crave so much. My parents used to remind me, and now
I remind my sons, 'To whom much is given, much is expected'. I would usually
give them a couple twenties and tell them to go stay at a Motel 6. And now I
would call upon our creator, and give him bountiful thanks, and to ask him
what we have done to deserve four more years of president Bush. Perhaps we
truly have lost our mojo. But what the hell. I say, Americans everywhere
should eat a large turkey leg, or a small one if their financial condition
will not allow for excess. In doing so, we keep alive America's promise and
give full meaning to Thanksgiving.
May God bless you and God bless our great
country.
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