Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Godzilla Downgraded Outgoing homeland security Tom Ridge today downgraded the danger of any future Godzilla attacks to a category two level threat, saying that the famous reptile had been effectively marginalized. "Is he still greenish? Yes. Is he still radioactive? Yes, but he no longer gives off much more charge than an ordinary dental X-ray. Does he still pose a threat to the citizenry of the country? Well, let me give you a qualified answer to that question. A category two monster is still a monster, and there remains the chance that he could scare the pants off someone, particularly the elderly or the overly squeamish. But he can't breathe fire any longer, he can barely get around on those lumbering legs, and he's shrunken into just a vague memory of himself. Our whole idea behind giving him that star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was to bring him out in the open, where people can see that he's now a figure more to be pitied than feared. And now, if you'll excuse me, my work around here is done." 3:54:31 PM    comment []

Limbaugh And The Depths of Conservative Dementia The Red Cross Hates America was one of Rush's 'really too obvious to make' points yesterday, and it's really not hard to imagine him taking this road, is it? When you know that you're in the right and that you're on the right, then you're right to right the wrongs, which are perpetrated by almost everyone. Darn that Pope, and to hell with Canada. The IRC is accusing the US of torture, and all we're doing is trying to show some foreigners a good time. See, the "Red Cross is a joke [because] there are terrorist-supporting regimes throughout the world, there are terrorist-supporting regimes throughout the world...etc, etc, Rush is a little long winded...but the International Red Cross focuses on us because we make our prisons available to these thugs and of course the New York Times is once again the media outlet of choice...etc, shift focus to the NY Times which is a bunch of crybaby tattletales that make Rush roll his eyes in disbelief...You know, this paper, I don't know. It appears to me the New York Times just hates this country. They hate red states. They hate traditional marriage. They hate our military. It's just amazing..." Well, Rush and I got kinda lost there cause sometimes things make you so mad that you just can't even see straight, but the bottom line is the free pass given to all the cool countries. "...We never heard from the International Red Cross on Saddam Hussein. We don't hear from them about what goes on in Korea, North Korea, or in China. We don't hear from the International Red Cross about what goes on in Iran..." I dunno, maybe not, but I don't know if that's the company we want to keep. Maybe so. You act like a gimp, you get treated like a chump, darn near every time. Those assholes are picking on us... "But, no, lo and behold, when there's abuse at G'itmo, when the people committing these atrocities around the world are in our prisons, we become the bad guys. Just typical. Just typical..." So nice he has to say it twice. Because it is... typical. And it hurts America's feelings big time. And do you know what? "...this is the kind of thing that's going to continue to inspire backlash among the American people, because the American people do not think that what we're doing with prisons at G'itmo is horrible, is bad." And anyway, Bunko, you really think that this is torture? Check yourself, and "Listen to what the New York Times reports as prisoner abuse at G'itmo. "One regular procedure was making uncooperative prisoners strip to their underwear, having them sit in a chair while shackled hand and foot to a bolt in the floor, and forcing them to endure strobe lights and loud rock and rap music played through two close loudspeakers while air-conditioning was turned up to maximum levels." Folks, that happens every night in New York City at any club you go into, except the underwear. I mean, this is absurd..." This is absurd! I'm learning a lot more about Rush than I really want to know... "The next bit of torture, get this: "The Red Cross report hints strongly at an explanation of some of those accusations by stating that there were frequent complaints by prisons in 2003 that some of the female interrogates baited their subjects with sexual overtones." This just confirms everything I've always said. The bad guys get all the girls! How many of you guys out there have to beg for these kinds of sexual overtones out there in your daily lives? And here these prisoners are having it for nothing while sitting in their underwear with rock music, rap music, and strobe lights and the air conditioning turned up..." Eyes glazed over, sweating profusely... Rush needs it special. The leather mask fits on a bit too snugly as Mistress Felicity struggles to get the strap fastened around Rush's portly neck. "Nice undies," she says derisively, her short riding crop whisking lightly across Limbaugh's manhood. His hands struggle against the studded cuffs. "Most of my dogs don't even bother... What'll it be tonight, Marilyn Manson again? Or how about some Rush?" "I thought we could just talk tonight, Mistress Felicity, maybe use some, use some sexual overtones..." Felicity fingers the ball gag thoughtfully, while cranking the air conditioning to max. "Beg me," she responds at last, after her lash has inflicted only minimal bleeding. She tenderly applies the iodine. "Beg me." 12:00:39 PM    comment []