Robert Blake Turns Into 121
Year Old Woman
Robert Blake, waiting for a bus to the
Aladdin Theater, shortly after the change
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actor Robert Blake "aged
50 years" in the moments after his wife was murdered outside a Los Angeles
restaurant, a waitress who served the couple testified on Wednesday in the
"Baretta" star's murder trial... "He had aged 50 years in 10 to 15 minutes,"
she said. "Everything about him looked completely different. He was white as
a sheet. He was out of breath. He looked like he was having a heart attack."
"And that's not all," testified Robyn
Robichaux, the waitress at Vitello's restaurant where Blake and his creepy
wife, Miss Bonny Lee Bakley, star of whatever, were served. "They were
sitting in there favorite booth, the one over to the side of the fireplace,
with the big portrait of The Rat Pack. Blake told me once that he used to
hang with the rat pack, but I found out that was just a lie. Closest he ever
came was drinking a couple Manhattans with Joey Bishop."
"I think it was their favorite booth because
you could keep an eye on the door, see if any celebrities walked in. Course
we didn't have many top notch celebrities at Vitello's. Max Baer used to
come in a lot, and Carol Wayne, rest her soul. But nowadays, Gilbert
Gottfried walks in, it's a big event. So the point is, yeah, he was a
regular, and we let him have 'the Robert Blake Booth'. His favorite
thing was to come in and find someone sitting in his booth. If he knew he
was coming in he would call ahead and encourage us to seat someone there,
and when he would walk in he would just scowl and stand there until the
diners asked him what was up, and then he'd point to the little brass plaque
with his name on it. The Maitre'd would come over and move the folks to
another table while Blake smirked. He was a good tipper."
"Anyway, bottom line, he looked fine that
night, real dapper. So then, twenty minutes after he leaves, he's back, and
I don't even recognize the guy. Wow, has he packed on the years, I couldn't
believe my eyes. And not only the age thing, but he's turned into a woman! I
guess... I guess it's because you don't really see that many 121 year old
men. At least not in this town." |
"Of
course not," said another unnamed female senator from a state bordering the
Pacific Ocean, "You're spot on. I'll bet the majority of our constituents
remember Wally from Hollywood Squares, even if they don't remember his
extensive film work. I know I'll never forget him as Mister Peepers. Poor
Mister Peepers, always getting himself in wacky situations. Well, it just
won't do, such a milquetoast being only a heartbeat away from the Secretary
of Defense."