Mowing Down Terrorism
Washington Times: AUSTIN, Texas An audit of the state's spending of
nearly $600 million in federal antiterrorism funds found that some of the
money was spent improperly, including the purchase of a trailer that was
used to haul lawn mowers to "lawn mower drag races."
Speaking from the green room at the Headquarters of the National Drag Racing
Lawn Mower Association, vice-president Dudley Wheeler told us that the Texas
expenditure was in no way inappropriate.
"Hell, no. Just take a look at what the
terrorists have on their front lawns. Sand. That's right, sand as far as the
eye can see. So the terrorists don't even know what to make of a dang lawn
mower, specially one of our super modified midway monsters. They know that
they's loud. They know they got mighty blades that cut down anything in
their path just like the sweet sharp swords of freedom. See that tree trunk?
It was a might oak until about five minutes ago when Jim Bob Kelly drove his
magnificent mulcher 'Toro Bora' over it. Them lawn mowers is the first line
of defense in Texas - scare the pants off any 'Afghan Abdul' makes his way
over the border." |
