Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Left Behind Given the lackluster response and general grousing over the 'No Child Left Behind' program, incoming education secretary Margaret Spellings has announced a new initiative that not only clarifies the goals of the program, but will also hopefully act as a motivating factor for the nations fifty-seven million public school students. The new program is to be called 'Don't Get Left Behind' (DGLB) and will emphasize the message that those who fall behind in school will quickly find their lives going down the crapper. The first public service announcement, which features 1980's television star Mr. T, has already begun showing around the country. In it, the mohawked ruffian with a heart of gold speaks to a group of children at a playground. "Hey little children," he tells them, "don't be acting like some kinda suckas. You fall behind in school, you gonna be behind all your life - behind bars, behind the counter in some fast food restaurant, and behind the eight ball all the rest of your life. That's crazy. Look at little Jimmy, Jamal, and Carrie here. They already locked up in a cage, just wishin they could get out. Learn to read, I tell them, but no, they too smart for their britches and won't listen to the big man. Look at em grinnin like some kinda fools. Cause they are fools. Come on little Patty, Ben, and Flipper, we gonna get some ice cream. It's time for those other suckas to get back to work makin wheelbarrow accessories." 3:51:17 PM    comment []

Ali G: The Gift That Keeps on Giving Another front page story in the Roanoke Times about the the damn fool who darn near wrecked our rodeo and stirred up every right thinking citizen in the entire valley. They're getting mighty suspicious down here, but it's hard to be absolutely positive cause nobody will admit nothing. Did the people who came to see bucking broncos at the Salem rodeo get taken for a ride by a British comedian? Representatives from "Da Ali G Show" would not confirm Monday that it was the show's star who pulled the perfect prank Friday night at the Salem Civic Center. After persuading rodeo producers to let him sing the national anthem, a man posing as a Russian immigrant delivered an anti-American rant and a contorted version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" that galled a crowd of nearly 4,000. An official with HBO, which has been carrying the late-night show for the past two years, referred questions to Ali G's publicist in California. "News to me," Matthew Labov said in an e-mail when asked if Ali G - who has a history of catching his subjects unaware and airing their responses to material both silly and shocking - was in Salem to film an episode. "The show is not in production right now so other than that, I have no further comment," Labov wrote back when pressed for details. Dang, ain't that just like those Hollywood types, never want to take blame for nothing. But if we ever do find out for sure, watch out. ...judging from the crowd's hostile reaction, the performer may have learned something about trying to stir up a rodeo crowd in Southwest Virginia as he made a hasty retreat. Said [promoter] Rowe: "I told him: You done the wrong thing at the wrong place." And, from the Roanoke Times message board: make HBO do something  if this Fool doesn't work for HBO they should go after him! HBO support this Fool the whole Roanoke Valley should drop HBO until they make a statement. We need to do this for the respect for men & ladies in our military and the kids that wittiness this fool 12:23:41 PM    comment []