Mister President, what do
you have in your hand?
What do I have in my hand? Come on, you guys.
Give it a guess. You press boys think you're pretty smart most of the time.
Guess. No, it's not a Hershey's kiss. Nope. Not a peanut M&M, either.
Although that's a heck of a good guess. Not a food substance of any kind.
Joe Lieberman's balls? Quit kiddin around guys, that was downright mean.
Funny though.
That's enough guessing. It's a
parable. I got me a parable in my hand. Passed down to me from my daddy, who
got it from his daddy, who made it up one winter's day in Foggy Bottom.
Once upon a time there was a
wise old Texan and a young whippersnapper. That boy wanted to outsmart the
old man more than just about anything. He was a bad kid, real bad, and he
was just determined to make the good-hearted Texas gentleman look like an
old fool. That's one kid that could've benefited from a good ass whippin.
Anyway, the kid goes out and
captures a little baby bird, and he cups it in his hand, cause he's up to no
good. Then he walks up to Birch Street in Austin, which is where the old
Texan hangs out around the convenience store, helping widows with their
groceries and gossiping with all the other old Texans. Did I mention that
the old guy's name was Chester, just like the guy on 'Gunsmoke'? Or was that
Festus... I get em confused.
So the kid pops up and shouts
'Hey old man, guess what I got in my hand'. And Chester, he knows right away
that it's a bird, cause it's sticking out all over the place, so he says
'It's a dang bird kid. Now get your delinquent ass out of here and go to
school'. And he spits some chaw at the kid, which just makes the kid madder
than the dickens. So he thinks that now he's gonna trap the old guy and
prove him wrong for once and all. So he says, 'Well, you got that right you
old fart, now let's see if you can tell me whether it's dead or alive'. What
he's thinking, see, is if old Chester says dead, he can open his hand, and
let the bird fly away, and then laugh at the old guy. And if Chester says
the bird's alive, the kid can crush the life out of it and throw it at the
old man. Kinda makes you sick to your stomach, doesn't it?
But the wise old Texan knows
what the boy's thinking, so he looks him up and down and says "What kind of
moron are you kid? I might be old, but I'm still not deaf. I can hear the
damn bird squawking. Now you let go of that critter this minute or I'm gonna
tan your hide".
Now the moral of this story is
that the people of Iraq are going to be out voting this weekend in free
elections. And they shouldn't be intimidated by some smartass kid who wants
to crush their bird, because the bird represents freedom, and freedom will
prevail.
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