Mr. Blackwell: Cheney 'Too
Tacky for Words'
Hello friends, this your old friend - and I do mean old - Mr. Richard
Blackwell, and I want... yes, I know
you
just heard from me a couple of weeks ago, but it's not like I'm a
groundhog. I'm around much longer than that Pokahonte Slim or whatever
the little rodent is called. Contrary to popular belief, I always rise from
the grave in time for a fabulous New Year's Eve, and then fritter away all
the days of January before returning to the darkness. It's a wonderful
regime, and my dark friends tell me that I should easily live to 800.
Anyway, the reason I'm speaking to you today is
to tell you about a heartbreaking fashion disaster, Mr. Dick Cheney.
Honestly, people, I just don't know what to think. We are talking fatal
fashion folly here. Oh my god, here we are in Poland at one of the most
somber days since I don't know when, and the vice president shows all the
fashion acumen of Bill the Barnacle Man.
Now just look at this man! This is a memorial service for God's sake, the
60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, about as black tail event
as you can get. Okay, it's cold outside, we get it, but that doesn't mean
you should look like you just finished shoveling the driveway. A formal
black topcoat is just the thing for such a service, as a matter of fact
the only thing, and I believe if you take a good look you'll see that
the rest of the world is properly dressed. Except for the guy in the - say
it with me - olive drab parka with the fluffy fur hood. (And my
sources tell me that it wasn't even real fur.) Are we at a memorial service
or are we celebrating Christmas With The Kranks? Dowdy, dumpy, and frumpy!
For shame Mr. Cheney, how about using some of those Halliburton bucks for a
fashion consultant.
If that was the end of it, we would have a
major fashion disaster, but the man has to go nuclear on us. Let us examine
the headwear. Is this a Stetson or the sort of nice fur hat that a person
should be wearing when attending a memorial service? Alas, it is not. It's a
friggin knit ski cap, and it looks as if it has a slogan written on it. For
shame. Unless the man is starting a new career in hip hop, this is simply
even beyond Mr. Blackwell's belief. And I'm not even going to comment on the
footwear. No. No I'm not. You can't make me, not unless you tell me that he
had to hike all the way to the camp. I'm mortified. Stop it Mr. Cheney,
you're embarrassing me.
And now, please excuse me. I'm going back
into hibernation. |
