Wednesday, February 16, 2005

To Die For. Not. Unsocialite Gerald Krein added another notch to his belt of failure this week, throwing what has been dubbed "the worst party ever". The unemployed male model came briefly to fame earlier this week after being arrested for attempting to lure depressed women that he met on internet chat rooms to visit his trailer for Valentines Day, have sex with him, and hang themselves naked. In spite of inviting everyone well in advance, nobody bothered to show up. "This is even worse than my Christmas party", moaned Gerald, who is temporarily residing in the Klamath County Jail, where he is charged with being a total loser. "At least at that party my bud Danny showed up and we drank us some beers. We didn't get naked, though. I don't know how that rumor got started". One of the women contacted by Krein spoke to FGAQ under condition of anonymity. "Ewww, gross", she told us. Krein remains hopeful about Saint Patrick's Day. 4:15:16 PM    comment []

News Chunks President Bush has renominated the only 12 candidates for federal appeals court seats whose confirmations were blocked by Senate Democrats during his first term, begging the question: Just how bad were these guys, anyway? I mean, we're talking a president who gets every nut case he asks for, but these guys couldn't clear that very low bar? Senate Majority Leader Frist is talking up using the nuclear option to prevent any possible filibuster, and Pat Robertson is talking up using the holy hand grenade on Frist by withholding evangelic support should Frist seek the top job. "It is the ultimate test," said  Robertson. "He cannot be a leader and allow Demoncrats to do what they did in the last session." Which would be what? Lose consistently? Fifteen year old Christopher Pittman was sentenced to thirty years in prison yesterday, after being convicted of murdering his grandparents. He claimed that the use of Zoloft was responsible for his actions. Murderous rage is one of the know side effects of Zoloft, along with dry mouth and possible nausea. Ray Charles Enterprises is being sued by recording engineer Mark Fleming, who claims that he did not receive proper credit for his work on the late artists 'Genius Loves Company', and therefore was unable to win one of the many Grammys which the album unfairly won. "Hey, let's be honest", said Fleming. "If Ray hadn't shuffled off this mortal coil, this particular work would have been totally ignored. But that doesn't mean that I don't want mine". 10:13:11 AM    comment []