It's all good, my brother. The Lord loves
it when his children boogie down.
The Rev. Louis P. Sheldon, chairman of the Traditional Values Coalition, has
given us something new to fear: Religious Left Sock Puppets. These fearsome
critters are being fronted by atheist billionaire George Soros, with the
insidious goal of stealing the moral high ground from the religious right by
using religious verbiage to fool Americans into voting for liberalism.
Sheldon is not so naive, and is sounding the
alarm for the faithful. "No matter how well you train a wolf to say 'BAAAAAA',
it doesn't change an important fact -- he is still a wolf. Liberals are the
sworn enemies of religious Americans."
As James Bowden tells us in an, uh,
interesting
Free
Republic editorial, "Liberals will marginalize Protestant Christian
Evangelicals. Especially, Southern Baptists and the Assembly of God. First,
Liberals will call them Fundamentalists and liken to the Muslim
Fundamentalists. Even though an Islamist will kill Liberals’ families and
cut off their heads, while a Baptist will get on his knees to pray for
Liberals and rise to eat fried chicken."
You're probably asking yourself, 'how do you
make a Religious Left Sock Puppet?' It's easy! First, get yourself a sock.
(These can be found at many of the same stores that sell clothing.) Now,
Put the sock on your left hand so that your middle finger is in the toe and
the back of your wrist is in the heel. Now we're ready to make a big mouth
for all the sanctimonious words to come out of, so grab those scissors and
get cutting. Hmm, let's see, grab some rigid material (a bible will do) and
glue some devil red fabric to it, and then thrust it into the sock, securing
it with an industrial strength adhesive, and you, my friend are almost
there. You just need to dress it up with little eyeballs and give it a name
like Reverend Fluffy or Pastor Foot. Now get on out there and spew some
claptrap!
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