Newly released police sketch of the BTO killer
FBI spokesman Frank Pennington today expressed
the agency’s relief that the BTK killer had finally been caught, but
cautioned the nation’s law enforcement officers that there are “still a lot
of B-list killers out there”.
“B stands for more than
just Bind,” he told department heads via closed-circuit TV. “It stands for
Blood. Bludgeon, and Blammo. It stands for Bash and Bang, and also
Beheading, which is just an awful way to go. It stands for Bad Bourbon being
imbibed by Brooding Bloodthirsty Bastards who end your life with a Bullet.”
“Consider, if you will, the
BLT killer. He’s still at large, gentlemen, spreading a path of terror form
Newark to Philadelphia as easily as some folks spread mayo on rye. Seven
confirmed kills, and a few others he could be tied to. Profile suggests a
middle-aged white guy, most likely with a big gut. You know his calling
card, of course; always makes himself a bite to eat before he leaves the
scene of the crime. That’s how he got his name. Last victim had a note
pinned to her housecoat. ‘If you had the makings for a decent sandwich, you
might still be alive’. Any good tips come your way, share them with us”.
“The BBQ killer is a
different story. He doesn’t appear to be hungry at all. In fact, the boys in
Psych think he may harbor a deep seated hatred for food. He works South,
between Birmingham and Montgomery. So far he’s killed five, all in the same
grizzly way. He shows up at the little rural barbeques, and the next thing
you know, the owner’s in the pit, sliced, diced, and basted. We’re looking for a
slim, middle-aged white guy to be the perp on this, kind of guy that can
blend into crowds”.
“We’ve got a lot of these B
guys – the BMW killer, the BBC killer, and of course the dreaded BYOB killer
– but we’re going to string them out into another session so you all don’t
get overloaded with info. I’m just going to talk about one more of our bad
guys. We call him The Notorious BIG killer, after his most famous victim,
Biggie Smalls. It’s been rumored that he’s the same person that shot Tupac…
Well, you can take that to the bank. This guy, whoever it is, has shot at a
lot of rappers; 50 Cent, Pharrell, even Missy Elliott – he’s equal
opportunity. People ask us if this could be the same man known as the
BBKing killer. No way, that guy’s incompetent. Our guy is a pro. We’re
looking for someone who really hates rap, or at least rappers. We’re look
for someone who probably doesn’t have the skill and ability to rap. We’re
looking for a middle-aged white guy, someone who wouldn’t stand out in a
crowd”. |
