Thursday, March 10, 2005

Michael Jackson's Fashion Disaster by Mr. Blackwell Oh, my. I am saddened. Almost beyond speaking. But not quite. Even though his world may be crumbling in a thousand small ways, there is one compliment that I have always been willing to hand to the Man in the Mirror. He always knows how to dress. Dazzling, at times, dramatic at others, or just ready to dance his hear out, Michael does have the look, and oh how he flaunts it. He knows that real stars are born and not made, dressed rather than simply clothed. The genius behind 'Dancing Machine' is one of the few people on earth that I know who can wear a waistcoat with sufficient dignity. So I was crushed, Michael, to see you in pajama bottoms tonight. I must say, you reminded me of Dorothy Lamour - not a good thing, not a look for a still vibrant young rock singer such as yourself. A sarong, I think you could have pulled that off, but a pajama bottom, no no no no no no no. You went outside without your makeup, didn't you? It's not a wise decision, Michael. I disagree with those who say you look like a rotting corpse, but even the queen of style, Elizabeth Taylor, applied fresh lipstick on the night she accidentally inhaled a turkey leg at the Richard Burton Funeral ball, and had to be wheeled out with her dress above her knees. Michael - please phone me. AND DO NOT USE THOSE NEGRO BODYGUARDS. A tie clasp? Shudder. Everybody, and I mean everybody, is using Polynesians these days, and we do so count on you to show us a stylish way to suffer. 7:33:44 PM    comment []

More Hollywood Kidnapping Plots Unveiled In the wake of Russell Crowe's revelation that he was the target of  an al-Qaeda kidnapping plot, other celebrities have begun to come forward stating that they too were potential victims of the cultural destabilization schemes. Crowe told Australia's GQ that the FBI had informed him in early 2001 that al-Qaeda was embarking on an effort to take "iconographic Americans out of the picture as a method of demoralizing brain dead liberals who take all their political cues from the gin-soaked, make that sin-soaked, Hollywood dream machine, thereby paving the way for the 911 attacks and so forth and so on. Lucky for me, they must have realized at the last minute that I was an Aussie, or who knows whether I'd still be here acting to this very day." Also at risk was another Oscar winner, Hungarian born human skeleton Adrien Brody, who revealed that he was so frightened after finding out that he was a potential target that he slept in a three piece suit and jogging shoes for nearly two years. "I wanted to be able to run, if they ever came for me," said Brody, "but not just run anywhere. If I had to make my escape, I wanted to be able to go someplace nice." The FBI would not comment on the claim by Sandra Bullock that an "Arab looking guy stared at me for the longest time with a really evil expression on his face", but agent Jeff Madison admitted that al-Qaeda actually did succeed in kidnapping Daniel Baldwin, and were planning on executing him, but changed their plans when they found out that he wasn't Alec Baldwin. Deciding to ransom him for $500,000, they were soon foiled again when they found that he wasn't even Stephen Baldwin, lowering the price to $100,000 before making their third and final depressing discovery. Daniel was released unharmed. 1:45:26 PM    comment []

Wasting Time! Waste a shawty time todizzle at Gizoogle, tha one search engine that has tonizzles of respect fo' FGAQ. search - Noah McCullough:  Fried Green Al-Qaedas ... Saturday, Miznarch 05, 2005. Rush Jumps on tha Nizzle McCullough Bandwagon from tha streets of tha L-B-C. In a segment titled 'Nine Year Old Runs Rings Around Katie' (transcript ... blogs.salon.com/0001424/2005/03/05.html - 27k search - Aki and Paw Paw: Fried Green Al-Qaedas ... Ladies n Gentlemen. It's Aki n Paw Paw . Chill as I take you on a trip! Straight Trippin' fo` Celebrizzles . know what im sayin?. ... I mean, really - I googled 'Aki n Paw Paw' n gots no hits at all. ... blogs.salon.com/0001424/2004/01/23.html - 57k Search - Superman Haters: Fried Green Al-Qaedas ... The Superman Hata Club. Jimmy Olsen: Gangsta. <4 gavel knocks> Orda. call ta pimp January?s meet'n of tha Superman Hata Clizzub. Quiet down, Aquaman fo' sheezy. blogs.salon.com/0001424/2005/01/12.html - 38k Search - Cute pictures of puppies: Fried Green Al-Qaedas ... There it wizzle articles, pictures, recipes, tha whole shebang in tha dogg pound. ... The judge looked at those enlarged photos of a nematode n said he believed you where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. ... blogs.salon.com/0001424/ - 85k 1:01:26 AM    comment []