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Rumsfeld ' Not Guilty'
A relieved Donald Rumsfeld
performed the Antler Dance in front of the Senate Armed Services Committee
this morning, after Vice Adm. Albert T. Church, the service's inspector
general, cleared him of all charges in the prisoner abuse investigation.
"Not guilty, not guilty, not guilty, the whole world knows that I'm not
guilty," Rumsfeld sang, to the tune of 'Maria' from 'West Side Story'. The
ebullient mood was emphasized by Rumsfeld's choice of headware. It was the
first time he has worn his giant Pentagon hat since the investigation began.
"Blameless?" shouted Church, to
the happy lawmakers. "That implies that there is a shadow of a doubt that we
have swept away. Blameless? Ha! The man is a saint." This pronouncement
promptly set Rumsfeld to dancing again, this time with several senators
joining in on the Antler Dance.
Aside from Rumsfeld, all senior
officials were cleared of wrong doing, as well as all mid level officials,
as well as any officer (except for one man identified only as Major X), as
well as any enlisted personnel above the rank of E-4. "The bad news,"
declared Church, "is that due to the continuing existence of the don't ask
don't tell policy, a few bad apples still manage to sneak in, and sometimes
they get deployed before we have the opportunity to drum them out".
"So there's been no assessment
of accountability of any senior officials, either within or outside of the
Department of Defense, for policies that may have contributed to abuses of
prisoners,"
said
Sen. Carl Levin of Michigan, shortly before being roundly pummeled on
the head and shoulders. The senator is in stable condition. |
