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Republican Ghouls Subpoena
Living Dead!
Hastert: "Insane, you say? Mhua-hahaha.
I am the sanest one of them all!"
In a grandstanding move with no
legal precedent, a group of conservative lawmakers has decided to subpoena
brain-damaged Terri Schiavo to a March 28 hearing on "health care
provided to non-ambulatory persons."
The coalition of ghouls, led by
usual suspects House Speaker Dennis 'Drac' Hastert, House Majority Leader
Tom 'Benito' DeLay, and House Government Reform Committee Chairman Thomas
'Not Yet a Household Name' Davis III, issued a joint statement saying that
"This inquiry should give hope to Terri, her parents and friends, and the
millions of people throughout the world who are praying for her safety. This
fight is not over." Federal criminal law protects witnesses called before
congressional committee hearings "from anyone who may obstruct or impede a
witness's attendance or testimony."
"Safety?" shouted out a stunned
reporter from FGAQ. "How the hell are you going to protect the safety of a
woman who's been in a persistent vegetative state for fifteen years?" The
reporter was politely tasered and led off into police custody.
According to the
Washington Post, "a lawyer for Schiavo's parents said Terri Schiavo can
be brought to the hearing in a wheelchair and is capable of traveling
accompanied by care-givers."
"The appearance is one thing,"
said Delay, often described as the most loathsome man in government. "I'm
sure it will be quite an exciting day for her. But she damn well better be
able to answer all our questions, or I guess, heh heh, we'll just have to
keep her in federal custody indefinitely."
Update:
There is a lot of contradictory activity going on as of aporx. 2:30 PM
EST with some sources saying there are no subpoenas in the Schiavo case,
and other claiming there are. The one thing that is consistent is
circuit court judge George Greer has given a new ruling to remove the
feeding tube. Sticking for now with the WaPo, Greer has told a House attorney that "The fact that you -- your committee -- decided to do something today doesn't create an emergency."
Keep
in mind that this is not euthenasia, but a case of removing
extraordinary means of support, so even if the feeding tube is removed,
Schiavo could remain alive for as long as two weeks, allowing for a lot
more political football. There is little doubt that's what we will see.
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