Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Get smart, Pelosi... Just get the hell out of here with your idle threats. You think you can drop a dime on Tom Delay and get away with it? Better men than you have tried it, Nancy. Yeah, you heard right. That was no slip of the tongue. You know I got some real good friends, don't you?  Like your homeboy, Randy Cunningham, the one from 'Happy Days'. He's from your own state, Nancy, and he's been keeping his eyes on you. "If they're going to go after Tom Delay, we're going to go after Nancy Pelosi," that's what he said, girl, at least that's the cleaned up version. Something about reaming you a new asshole for free. That's not me speaking, that's someone who's got my back, and there's a lot of people in that army. Yeah, good old Ritchie Cunningham, angry man with an angry knife, and even better with a camera. You didn't think anyone would ever find out about Luella Hotpants did you? HA! TAKE A LOOK AT THE PICTURES! Oh. That's you're daughter? Well, she looks like a little tramp to me, and Tom Delay has seen plenty of little tramps in his life, believe you me. And what the hell are you doing kissing her? Don't you liberals know how to shake hands? Okay, forget Cunningham, he's small potatoes anyway. I've exterminated bigger potatoes than that. But don't be surprised if you wake up in the morning and see a picture of you and THIS MAN SPLATTERED ACROSS THE FRONT OF THE MORNING PAPERS. Well yes, I know that's Joe Lieberman, but he's a funny looking squirt isn't he? And wouldn't all your colleagues like to know what's going on in the cloakroom... heh, heh, inquiring minds. Because if this picture wasn't cropped at the waist, I'm pretty sure that we could all see JOE'S HAND ON YOUR ASS. And that ass is something you better watch, Pelosi. I don't suppose you've met Cunningham's little friend, have you? The Fonz? No, not the Friends of the National Zoo, I'm talking about Arthur Fonzarelli. Yeah, that's right, The Fonz, brutal warrior of the political arena, good with his fists, better with a chain. He's working for me now, so be careful where you go poking your nose. Now get the hell out, and don't let the door hit you... don't let your ass hit the door... don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you. 3:58:21 PM    comment []

Once Again, Into the Bugeye State Florida is ready to enact a new law which will put an end to those embarrassing incidents in life where one is afraid to slay one's provoker out of fear of harassment by an out of control judicial system that is far more interested in the rights of mean people than they are in people who are just minding their own goddam business. From the Orlando Sentinel: Gov. Jeb Bush said he plans to sign the measure into law, even though opponents contend it amounts to legalized dueling that could lead to simple arguments escalating into fatal fights. The bill (SB 436), a top priority of the National Rifle Association in Tallahassee this year, won final approval in the House on Tuesday by a 94-20 vote. Two weeks ago, it passed the Senate 39-0. No longer will the bullies be able to kick sand in your face. No longer will Mrs. Callahan be able to wheel a full grocery cart into the '8 Items or Less' aisle. Rep. Dennis Baxley, who is the bill's sponsor, likes to trivialize things, saying that SB 436 requires you to play fair. He wants everything to be nice and reciprocal, citing the Golden Rule: "You can only do what somebody does to you." Hey, you don't take a knife to a gunfight! What's wrong with you, Baxley? Assistant State Attorney Bill Gross says "As it is right now, we see tragedies in our court system every day involving citizens who don't exercise restraint. Now they are under less legal requirement to use restraint before resorting to violence. I believe this is a step backward." Bullshit! responds Tom Lambert, the owner of Central Florida Firearms. "It's going to make the boogeyman think twice." Or maybe that boogeyman is going to think three times and just go home. Rep. Baxley looks into his crystal ball and predicts that "some violent rape will not occur because somebody felt empowered by this bill." "I noticed him right away. Muscular and swarthy, a barracuda tattooed on his forearm. I believe he was a Cuban, or some variation on that theme. He was drinking some awful domestic beer - Bush Bavarian in bottles, I believe. He pretended to be watching the dog races, but I knew he was looking at me. It was the lascivious way that he cracked open his peanuts, pushing them obscenely into his mouth, one by one. Perhaps I should run, while I still had the chance. But no! This was my bar too! A girl should be able to drink a few Blue Motorcycles without having to worry about being raped. Take back the night! I felt resolute and determined as I lit another Lucky. That's when Pedro stood, and I saw the bulge in his jeans. A weapon..." 11:35:00 AM    comment []