Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Ann Gets Her Feelings Hurt, Whines, Reacts, Retracts Poor Ann Coulter. She felt a little bad about being honored by the MSM, (which might put her conservative cred in question), and has been throwing a petulant frenzy, insisting that Time Magazine did not make her pretty enough. Judge for yourself. Seems she was photographed with a fish-eye lens, which overemphasized her pretty legs and pretty feet, but underemphasized her pretty face, pretty throat, and pretty hands. Her hair, however, looked just perfect. Speaking only as an amateur photographer, I think they did pretty decent job. Sure her legs look kinda like sticks, but in reality, they are kinda like sticks. And they've taken great care in hiding her bony hands behind seat cushions, plus you can barely see her Adam's apple. But still, not pretty enough. Ann freaked, declaring that Time had used a more flattering photo of Kim Jong II. (In all honesty, Kim did look awfully cute.) So she did what any pretty girl would do - post a fish-eye picture of Time photo editor  Maryanne Golon on her web site. Don't bother looking for it - it's gone. Erased, But you can catch the shot here on World O'Crap. I'm sure you'll all agree that this is an honest comparison. Ah, but those pesky lawyers. Ann got a letter from Jeffrey D Smith, executive director of Contact Press. I represent renown photojournalist David Burnett who licenses his work through our photo agency, Contact Press Images, an agency he helped found nearly 30 years ago. You are featuring his copyrighted photographs of TIME magazine photo editor Maryanne Golon on your web site and in addition, have altered the aforementioned image. According to our records you do not have permission to make use of these images nor have you paid fees in connection with their use. Had these photos been licensed properly you would have been made aware that we do not permitted the alteration of our photographs under any circumstance. We ask you to remove these images at once and be in touch with our office regarding the payment of fees for the use on your website. Man, life really sucks for pretty girls, doesn't it? And when you are the prettiest right wing talking head ever, they just can't wait to get their frivolous lawsuits up and running. But it doesn't matter, Ann. We know that you have the look, and nothing is ever going to change that. In the words of David Bowie, One day, though it might as well be someday, You and I will rise up all the way, All because of what you are - The Prettiest Star 9:13:36 PM    comment []

Some See Count Floyd in Underpass Stain Beer cans from over three dozen countries have been left in front of the Floyd-like stain. CHICAGO, Illinois (FGAQ) -- A steady stream of the faithful and the ludicrous, many carrying flowers and howling, have wandered to a highway underpass for a look at a gray and white stain on a concrete wall that they believe is an image of the Count Floyd. Police have been guarding the area since last Monday as hundreds of people have walked down to see the image and the growing memorial of flowers and beer cans that surround it. Beside the image is an artist's rendering of the Bruno embracing Doctor Tongue in a pose some see echoed in the stain. "We believe it's a miracle," said Edith Prickley, 42. "A really dumb miracle, but a miracle none the less." Tuesday morning, women stood with 3-D glasses behind a police barricade while men in t-shirts loitered before the image, guffawing and drinking. An angry commuter claimed that the crowd had caused traffic to back up for miles. The stain is likely the result of salt run-off, according to the Illinois Department In-charge of Transportation. The agency does not plan to scrub it off the wall. "We're treating this just like we treat any type of roadside miracle," said IDIOT spokesman Earl Camembert. "We have no plans to clean this site." "We hah no plah to clee thih eyes," chimed in IDIOT resident cleaning woman Perini Scleroso. The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago has not received any requests to authenticate the image as of Monday, spokesman Johnny Larue said. "Why would we? I mean it's true that Pope Benedict does look similar to Count Floyd, but that's more of a coincidence than a miracle. And the church takes no official position on Monster Chiller Horror Theater. Sometimes people ask us to look at these things, but we're pretty busy. Most of the time we don't. The meaning depends on the individual who sees it. To them, it's real. Go figure."   10:49:20 AM    comment []