Bush Dispatches Rumsfeld to
Dollywood
Nashville, Tenn (FGAQ) -- As noted in these
pages on Friday, President Bush was forced to cancel his Earth Day visit to
Dollywood due to weather conditions which could have made landing the
presidential hovercraft potentially dangerous. Rather than scuttle the
mission entirely, the administration opted to send Secretary of State Donald
Rumsfeld in his stead.
Rumsfeld had hoped to meet with Tennessee
governor Phil Bredesen to discuss placement of missile defense sites in the
Great Smokey Mountains. Bredesen, however, was not informed that the
president was sending the Defense Secretary in his place, and had already
departed on a fact finding mission to the NASCAR Nextel Cup race at Phoenix
International Raceway. Dolly Parton was called upon to act as the governor's
envoy for the meeting.
The results of the meeting are not known.
However, a particularly ebullient Rumsfeld joined Parton on stage later that
night at the Grand Old Opry. Following a rousing version of 'I Will Always
Love You', Parton told the crowd, "I want to introduce a man that we all
will always love." The band launched into a countrified version of 'The
Antler Dance', and the secretary appeared on stage in a Dolly-white suit to
thunderous applause. "This is a great night," he shouted to the solidly
Republican crowd. "We have another Bush victory. Kurt Busch has just taken
the Nextel Cup!" With the crowd still cheering, he then launched into a
throaty version of 'Rock-A-Bye Your Baby with a Dixie Melody', which
onlookers described as surprisingly competent.
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