Stop the
Filibastards
Ann Coulter
(Archive)
April 28,
2005 |
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Democrats are going as crazy as a herd of
leprous monkeys in heat about the idiotic act known as the filibuster. DON'T
STOP READING OR I WILL KILL YOU! OR HAVE MY HUNK OF A BODYGUARD KILL YOU! I
AM NOT GOING TO DISCUSS THE HISTORY OF THE FILIBUSTER ALL BY MY SELF!
Republicans have got to learn better than getting into all these
technicalities with the Democrats, because liberals are better at
technicalities. They win with nuance; we win with broad strokes. And this
broad is telling you that it doesn't get much more nuanced than a discussion
of the Senate filibuster.
The very roots of the word is instructive.
We have fili, which comes for the Latin word filius, which translates
to 'the will of the people'. Then we have bust, which is good old English
for smash, to trample under foot like some piece of garbage. Thus filibuster
means the act of subverting the will of the people and wiping your nose with
the truth, and those who practice this loathsome practice are filibastards.
Do you understand now? Good Lord, what do I
need to do, require some sort of literacy test before you're allowed to read
this column? At a filibuster all the fillibastards enter into what they
snidely call 'extended debate', but which is nothing of the kind, and
resembles a roomful of jabbering chimpanzees yanking their cranks for hour
after endless hour. "Meee, meee, meee," they go, like they're trying to woo
all the cute blonde female chimpanzees with their ridiculously inane mating
call. It's a wonder that there are any baby chimpanzees at all, and not just
gorillas (Republicans, if you're following my metaphor), who say what they
mean, and take what they want.
That's the theory at least about Republican
men, but lately we are starting to see a real sissification of the breed,
like they've been eyeing all the chimpanzees pretty things. It's no excuse
that the Democrats are lying SOBs. They always have been. Republicans have
got to learn to call them on it more forcefully. The 'nuclear option' which
sets the liberal tongues a twitter is nothing more than stating clearly that
'Majority vote wins', and anyone else can die quickly if they're lucky,
otherwise it will be a slow lingering death, unless they live, which won't
be any picnic either, since their hair will all fall out and they'll be
covered head to toe with festering sores. (This is as opposed to the
Democrats' mantra, which is 'Our side always wins', and nobody gets covered
with festering sores.)
Just what are these filibastards
filibustering about, anyhow? Do they really hate blacks that much, or do
they just hate the blacks like Janice Rogers Brown who won't bow down and
call them massa and won't allow 14-year-old girls to have abortions without
parental consent or at least some Tylenol? Is it because Brown doesn't hate
America and all that it stands for? Okay, that last charge was a bit
spurious on my part, because we all know that America stands for many
things, one of which is 'Pants Down Thursdays', and liberals seem to love
that.
Democrats loonies want to terrify people by
claiming Bush's judicial nominees are nutcase extremists hell-bent on
shredding the Constitution -- what's their point? That if we refuse to
recognize the holy union of 'Adam & Steve' as being blessed in the
All-Seeing Eye of the Pyramid of Liberty on the back of the Great American
Greenback, their throbbing loins will be in any way denied? They're going to
do their foul deed irregardless, at least till the next election cycle.
Annuit Coeptis (oh, go look it up) should be
the new Republican rallying call, and these filibustering filibastards will
be seen for what they are - nothing but hot-air baboons.
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