The Devil is in
My Pants
Ann Coulter
(Archive)
May 5,
2005 |
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Liberals have been unusually hysterical the past
few weeks. If you have half a brain you'll agree with that. Hysteria derives
from the Greek word 'hystera', which refers to the womb, and hysteria was diagnosed as
the sort of bizarre behavior which can occur when the womb somehow becomes
transported to other places in the body, such as the feet. Now obviously
this is crazy, which is why the great Sigmund Freud concluded that women
were "inherently hysterical, overly emotional, and volatile". And why are
they that way? Because they want a penis. You really can't argue with Freud,
can you, seeing as he's dead.
Tom Delay is a good example of a man who
makes liberals hysterical. They see him and are driven half mad by their
desire to have a penis, any penis, even if it belongs to the House Majority
leader. Exactly just what law has Delay supposedly broken? Ask a liberal to
their face, and they'll mumble and won't speak up no matter how many times
you ask them. "Where there's fire, there's combustion," they'll say. I, for
one, see that as an inadequate argument. I mean, Jeez!
Close your eyes and try to imagine this.
Aaron Brown, looking oh so serious, says
"Embattled Rep. Tom DeLay came under fire
again today when it was disclosed that he said that it was wrong for miracle
firefighter Donald Herbert to be used in... No, wait. We believe in playing
God, and... oh, man, am I confused. I better turn now live to Wolf Blitzer,
who is stalking pretty blonde pundit Ann Coulter outside of her New York
apartment building. Wolf, could you ask Ms Coulter if this bombshell spells
the end for the combative Tom DeLay?"
"I'm sorry, Aaron, Coulter is looking at me
askance, and I really fear for my well being if I bring up the topic with
her. I'll have to admit that it's a foolish topic. I think I'm going to ask
her about U.N. ambassador nominee John Bolton instead. Ms Coulter, do you
believe that John Bolton is getting the Emmanuel Goldstein treatment from
the Demoncrats?"
That's a good question, Aaron. As you might
expect, I have read '1984' from cover to cover, and perhaps the most telling
portion is the sheep-like liberal populace indulging in their 'two minutes
hate' sessions, when they should be at their desks, getting some work done
for a change. Is it any wonder that President Bush fully understands the
need to end the cradle to grave federal employment system and move it in to
merit pay?
I think not. If there was merit pay, that
cute little orangutan Katie Couric would be sucking cock for a living rather
than clicking around in her admittedly lovely stiletto heels and showing
highlights from 'American Idol'. But an American Idol is something that
Katie will never be, since her program is clearly geared to appeal to the
American idle, who are watching television in their pajamas, if they even
bother to get that dressed up.
Attack John Bolton, will they? I think he's a
pretty good looking guy, myself, certainly not one of those timid little
milquetoasts who allow themselves to be pushed around by their underlings,
and refuse to give proper respect to their superiors. Those poor hysterical
liberals, wishing in vain for a penis of their own. I much prefer the
tactics of Armin Meiwes, who at least took matters into his own Hans.
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