Friday, May 27, 2005

...and now from the back of the closet segment comes our most ridiculous item of the day. The BBC reports that the British Medical Journal contains a call by doctors in Middlesex for the elimination of all long pointed kitchen knives in jolly old England as a means of curtailing knife crime. They point point to statistics that show that over a third of all murders in the UK are caused by knives and that a great many of these are the very same utensils found in the common kitchen. Hello, Earth to England, of course they are. In a foolish fit of sectarian sanctimony, the UK long ago banned the use of guns by all but a handful of special forces. The intention of this restriction was to prevent senseless gun murders, but as we all know the criminals still have guns, and murder goes on. The only difference, of course, is that now the common citizen is defenseless to defend him or her self with anything more explosive than a butcher knife, and as the old saying goes, you don't bring a knife to a gunfight. We say Britain needs to bring back individual gun ownership so that it's citizens can at least have a fighting chance. To do anything else would be ridiculous. This is Bill's jacket, asking you to join us again tomorrow on the No Spin Zone, where I once again will be appearing on Bill. 3:46:41 PM    comment []

Bush Praises Abba's Leadership Clockwise from top left: Jeff Gannon, Satan, Cindy Ellison, Harold Bryson President Bush met on Wednesday with what he was told was the most popular pop group in Palestinian history and discussed ways that they could help bring peace to the world through the healing power of music. Calling them the 'most peace making band in history', Bush pledged that he would donate 50 million taxpayer dollars to help ABBA support a tour of international hotspots. "From 'Waterloo' and 'Fernando', to the really very pleasing song - my personal favorite - 'Dancing Queen', you four have brought a heck of a lot of good feelings to this world, and we're asking you to do it again. Come on guys, you're not too old. You look just great. Well, thanks for showing up. I've got to fly to Newport for a Social Security Rally. Otherwise, there won't be anything left by the time that you're ready to retire but a drawer full of IOUs." Within a couple of hours, however, TBlogg had broken the news that these were not the original members of ABBA at all, but what appeared to be a two bit cover band from the Holiday Inn Circuit. "Compare these pictures," TBlogg wrote in the popular feature 'Compare These Pictures'. "Benny's face looks far too thin. And that's not Agnetha. Aside from not being cute enough, I'd be willing to bet that it's a man." Within hours, the Blogosphere was buzzing with talk that the president had been snookered once again by the notorious Jeff Gannon Gluckert. Scott McClellan promptly denied the charge, issuing a terse "No way." "This is the height of surreality," reported the Daily Cos. "Gannon again? What's mamma gonna say? Something's got to be going on with someone at that White House. And look under that blonde wig, that's Old Weird Harold. Hey hey hey!" A darker side to the story has emerged in the past couple of hours, as experts have identified the other two members of the group as Satan, and Cindy Ellison. Ellison is rumored to be heavily involved in the McCain effort to disrupt Republican party unity and undermine the Bush presidency. 12:15:07 PM    comment []