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Bush to Nominate Dozens of
New Judges
From today's
Washington Post, we learn that President Bush is ready to send a brand
spanking new batch of judges over to Capitol Hill, for what he hopes will be
"a speedy, up or down confirmation, just like the Democrats promised." Harry
Reid, speaking for his party, said that while he didn't remember saying
anything like that, he would certainly check into it.
Although Bush has not yet
mentioned any names, FGAQ was able to get a tentative list of nominees from
our friend Gloria, who takes care of the Xerox machines at the Justice
Department. While the majority of the nominees are from small courts, and
are little known outside of their jurisdictions, there are a couple of red
flags, such as
Judge Timothy Ellender of Louisiana, who only recently returned to the
bench following a six month suspension for wearing black-face and prison
garb to a Halloween party, and Oklahoma
Judge Donald Thompson who was briefly suspended for using a penis pump
during jury trials. More striking was the number of celebrity judges who
managed make their way on to list. For example, Judge Marilyn Milian
(pictured above), often described as 'the hottest judge on television', is
leading the list, and is expected to be easily confirmed. Other high profile
judges include the following.
Judge Andrew Napolitano, Fox News crack legal analyst and
author of the best selling book 'Constitutional Chaos' is expected to be a
tough sell to congress due to his stances on such issues as lowering the
death penalty to twelve, and abolition of all existing anti-trust laws. Joe
Biden tells us, "We're going to look pretty closely at the transcripts where
he sat in for Bill O'Reilly."
Judge Judy may be the most
recognizable name on this list, owing to her popularity for sticking up for
the 'little guy'. Many conservative have questioned her nomination due to
this fact, but the White House has sent assurance that "she likes the little
man more in theory than in fact". Her favorite color is rumored to be
yellow.
Judge Parker has been called
two-dimensional by a number of his opponents, a charge which the White House
vehemently denies. "The liberals just don't get it," a spokesman told FGAQ.
"They really hate the idea of a constitutionalist who is able to see the
world as it really is - black and white. Parker is 87, but still in good
health.
Judge Manuel Franco, who
presides over La Corte Del Pueblo, is the only Hispanic nominee of the
group, and is expected to be easily confirmed. He is a proponent of tough
but fair immigration policy, and is known as a strong ally of agrobusiness.
Judge Mablean Ephriam has made a
name for herself in the field of marital law, and has been vocal on a number
of occasions about the need for personal responsibility. She is a strong
supporter of President Bush's plan to make divorce more difficult to obtain
unless "there's just no dang way y'all gonna get along".
Judge Larry Joe Doherty is a
personal friend of the president's, dating back to his days on the Houston
Circuit Court. He is a proponent of what he calls 'Texas Justice', which he
describes as a mixture of fair-mindedness and straight shooting. A folksy
man who makes friends easily, he is known to take no crap lying down. |
