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Regina Johnson, Miss Lawn-Boy 2005, poses
with her victory trophy
A grateful nation cheers a
mighty cheer, and raises a cool, refreshing glass of lemonade to the Senate
Appropriations Committee who have foiled the liberal plan to weaken American
lawn mowers by requiring them to conform to
restrictive new pollution controls which, in some cases would have
reduced their grass chomping power by as much as 23%.
"Liberals just don't care about
lawn care," said Senator Christopher S. Bond, who helped lead the fight for
America's Toros. "Hell, most of them don't even mow their lawns until you
threaten to get the Homeowner's Association involved, and even then, they're
all sloppy with their trimming. But beyond that, there's a safety issue
involved. Say you're mowing the lawn and there's a snake in the grass. If
you've got one of those catalytic converters on your machine - is it still
going to have the power to chop the bejesus out of that reptile? I don't
want to be the guy who has to find the answer to that question, do you?
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