Tuesday, June 14, 2005

<intercom> Mister President, Ms Hughes is here to see you. George Bush: Send her on in... Karen Hughes: Hi, George. What are you doing in this dark room all by yourself? GB: Just watching some videos, Karen. I've been feeling a little down. KH: I know. That's why I'm here... Michael Jackson? That's uh... that's 'Smooth Operator', isn't it? GB: Smooth Criminal. Great video, very underrated. Look at the way he handles that hat... Wish I could handle a hat like that. KH: Well, you're more of a cowboy hat kind of guy. It's a lot harder to dance with a big ten-gallon. GB: Don't patronize me, Karen. It's not like I've never seen Garth Brooks in action. Remember when he gave that command performance around the campfire down in Crawford? KH: No. GB <sighs>: It doesn't matter... KH: What's the matter, George? You know you can tell Kiki. GB: Its just that... there is so much meanness in the world. So many people just seemed to want to find Michael guilty. Rove sent a note over saying I should give him a presidential condemnation. I don't even know what that is. I got a call from Dr. Dobson, he's on my back again... Why was Michael Jackson shopping at K-Mart? That was on my email today. KH: Because he heard they had boys pants half off. GB: Whuh? Try to stay on topic, Karen. This is a man who has given the world so much pleasure... KH: Look at that! He's smashing someone's windshield. GB: Oh, yeah. That's the 'Black or White' video. See, someone wrote racist graffiti on the window, so what choice does he have other than to clean it off? He's fighting for freedom and equality. KH: And the children. GB: And the children... Well, I just hope he can pull his life back together and get back out there and make some more great music... Maybe we could give him some sort of grant. KH: Maybe we could make him a goodwill ambassador. GB: Maybe we could make him a real ambassador. Some place where he could make a real difference, like Togo. KH: I'm sure Togo would be delighted. GB: Or UN ambassador! Spreading love and understanding  throughout the world. That is, uh, if Bolton doesn't get confirmed. That guy scares me. KH: He scares all of us. But remember what Cheney said. GB: Right, right. Well, Togo it is, then. Now hush up. 'Bad' just started - the long version. 3:33:28 PM    comment []

My Owner Is a Journalist  ...and now from the back of the closet segment comes our most ridiculous item of the day. The Annenberg Public Policy Center came out yesterday with the results of their latest survey on attitudes from everyday Americans such as yourself as to who is and is not a legitimate journalist. It should come as no surprise to my owner's many followers that a full 40% of those interviewed consider Bill O'Reilly to be a real journalist, as oppose to only 30% who would say the same thing about Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward. This attitude is not surprising, given that Americans in growing numbers are rejecting the mainstream liberal propagandist media in favor of the fair and balanced coverage provided by conservative talk show hosts. Consider this: 25% of those polled consider my colleague Rush Limbaugh, head of The Committee, to be a legitimate journalist, while only a paltry 20% would say the same thing about biased newspaper columnist George Will. You cannot fool the people forever. Showing just how out of touch with the American people that the liberal press has become, the same questions were asked to members of the liberal mainstream media. Their response? Only 11% saw O'Reilly as a legitimate journalist, as opposed to 93% for Woodward, an opinion that is not just arrogant, but ridiculous. This is Bill's jacket, asking you to join us again tomorrow on the No Spin Zone, where I once again will be appearing on Bill. 10:19:05 AM    comment []