President Set to Nominate Mason for Supremes
President Bush has surprised supporters and
critics alike with his nomination of Perry Mason for the Supreme Court.
"I, uh... I don't know what to think," said
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, scratching his head as he walked up the
steps of the Capitol. "Oh, man, I got a tick on my scalp last weekend, and
it still itches. Anyway, this guy Mason... Well, he's never been a federal
judge, or any kind of judge, so it's hard to know how he might rule on a lot
of major issues. But I'm sure the president and his advisors have thoroughly
thought this out, so unless there's a hidden bombshell, he'll have my vote."
Senator Mike Crapo of Idaho, who was also on
the short list for the nomination, was clearly disappointed by the choice.
"A trial lawyer. Bush goes and picks a fucking trial lawyer for the job.
What sort of message does that send to the people who think that goddam
trial lawyers are on the same level as bedbugs. Ah, crap. Put me down as
disgusted. Still, I guess he's got my vote."
Majority Leader Tom DeLay accused Crapo of
being "full of sour grapes, like some awful Greek pie. But more to the
point, Mason is a great lawyer, and I'm sure that he'll make a great judge.
He's witty, urbane, and he's the president's choice. That's good enough for
me."
"This is an absurd nomination," said Senator
Hillary Clinton. "May I just point out that Perry Mason isn't even a real
person. He's a television character played by Raymond Burr. And may I
further point out that Raymond Burr is dead."
"Dead, yes," said Presidential spokesman
Scott McClellan, "but he still lives on in our hearts. He never lost a case,
and the president is banking on him not losing this one. The American people
are sick of the sort of obstructionism represented by Ms. Clinton's remarks,
and are sure to react at the ballot box if they can't get a simple up or
down vote on this nominee." |
