Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Once more into the breach... "Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more, or fill the wall up with our English dead." So said British Prime Minister Tony Blair, before stealing the 2012 Olympics from America, where they surely belong. And then Blair stretched a length of piano wire across Scotland's Two Mile Pass, causing President Bush to once again find himself in an uncomfortable and untenable position. "OUCH!" shouted the president, finding himself ground -bound after flying off of his two-wheeled death machine, and onto the pavement below. "OUCH!". Experts claim that while he technically may have been in pain, he did put on a brave face and futilely attempted to peddle on, in spite of abrasions on his most sensitive parts. Bush was wearing a helmet at the time. 7:59:26 PM    comment []

Press Briefing 7/6/05 Scott McClellan: ...and that is why, to this very day, Denmark remains so cold. It had a lot more to do with 'free expression' than many Americans might be willing to admit. Rob? Reporter: Scott, can you tell us how the president felt about losing the 2012 Olympics to Tony Blair? SM: Needless to say, he felt very badly about it. The president has been putting a little distance between himself and PM Blair as of late, and this sort of deception on the part of London is a pretty blatant illustration as to why that situation is the way it is. Still, the president believes that we should view this tragic denial of what is so rightfully ours not as a case of Blair winning the games, but as a case of Hillary losing them. Yes, we want to thank the senator from New York for being the US emissary to the International Olympic Committee. Thanks Hillary. Better luck next time. Yes? R: Scott, could this... this whole tragedy with the Olympics... is there any way that this could have turned out differently? SM: Could have, should have, would have... These are the sort of words  we're left with, aren't they? I suppose... well... no, sorry..." R: Scott, go on. SM: I was just thinking about the rich sad irony that can literally encrust life's little dreams like walnut cream cheese on a sour dough bagel. As a lot of you know, the president likes sports. Heck, the president loves sports. R: You tell 'em, Scottie. SM: He's always ready to play. Well, if I could turn back time... R: Turn it back, Scottie. SM: ...and put things right again... R: You mean? SM: Yes, I do. I think the president could have gotten us those Olympics in a heartbeat. R: Damn Hillary... SM: The young lady from the AP. R: Yes, Scott. There have been rumors printed by the British press that the president may have seen an advance screening of 'The Fantastic Four'. Any truth there? SM: I don't like to get into personal details of the president's schedule, but I can confirm that the event you mentioned did take place over the weekend. R: Follow up, please. SM: Go ahead. R: Did the president like the movie? SM: Yes. Yes he did. I'm pleased to say that he liked it very much, particularly the big orange monster. He was running around here all day Sunday yelling 'It's clobberin' time'. Jonesy? R: Scott, just what does the president mean when he says that there will be no litmus test for his nominee to the high court? SM: I believe that the president has made his view very clear on this issue. He is not going to nominate someone on the basis of a single test. He's going to use a whole battery of tests. Of course he'll use the pregnancy test, but there will be an Aids test, an endurance test, a mammogram, should that be deemed necessary, the all important colonoscopy, and a good testing of mental and spiritual health to ensure that our nominee is good and fit to serve for the next thirty years. Time for one more. Bosco? R: Yes Scott. We're doomed, aren't we? SM: It depends on what the meaning of 'we' is.. 1:22:48 PM    comment []