Fool Me, Fool
Me, Fool Me, Fool Me - You Get The Idea
Ann Coulter
(Archive)
July 28,
2005 |
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"He's a scholarly man; he has a good education; he has been recommended by
legal authorities; he has a good record in lower courts." - President George
Bush
"He is a 'stealth nominee.' ... The right's not yelling; the
left is trying to yell but can't find much to yell about." - Bob Beckel
"You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wannna play rough? Okay.
Say hello to my little friend." - Al Pacino
"Virtually every conservative who knows him
trusts him and thinks he's a competent guy." - Newt Gingrich
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine
sample it had an olive in it." - Rodney Dangerfield
"(He) seems to be a judicial conservative, what
we call a constitutional constructionist. ... That's satisfactory with us,
if that's true." - National Right to Life's John Willke
"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did
not go to the New York Times Building." - Me!!!!!
"One of my greatest regrets is that I urinated
on the Alamo." -
Ozzy Osbourne
"This is a home run." - President Bush's
chief of staff
Boy, do I ever love quotes. I've got half my
column written in just fifteen minutes, giving me a full thirty to work on
the gist of the piece. And the gist is this: those quotes were not
about Supreme Court nominee John G Roberts! Really! I bet you could not see
that one coming. See, the trick was to begin and end with President Bush,
and you're thinking, well, she said President Bush so there's nothing to be
suspicious of here. Tricked you!
A long time ago, back when I was a little girl,
there was another President Bush who was also called George Bush, except he
didn't have a W in his name. Well, yes, I guess he did, but it was a HW
which is kind of a 'haugh' sound, very European. And that President Bush
nominated a small and ugly little man for the Supreme Court, a man who lived
in a little, rough-hewn cabin in the woods of New Hampshire and avoided all
the "women folk". And that ugly little nancy-boy was none other than David
Hackett Souter. Ewww. You know how they say you can tell a lot about people
by their name? Ewwwwwww!!!
Why do I hate Souter so much? Honestly, people,
I can't be expected to do all of your thinking for you. Get out and do a
little research. The salient point is that I have the strongest feeling -
almost like gas - that Roberts is going to be exactly like Souter, except
not as small and definitely not as ugly. He's not really ugly at all when I
think about it. In spite of his wife and kids, I think I would probably date
him. Except that he would be a 'mystery date', and while a mystery date is
just fine for casual sex, it's not okay for the Supreme Court, if you catch
my flow.
Roberts would have been a fine candidate for
court in the Clinton mis-administration - that's what we would have expected
from Mister Stick-it-where-it-fits. But now we have 55 Republican seats in
the Senate and the vice president to cast a deciding vote — and Son of
Read-My-Lips gives us another ideological blind date. He's no more of a man
than his father was. I would not date a blind person under any
circumstances. Okay, you say, what if your mystery date was also blind? No
big deal - let's see him try to find me once I say adios.
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