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Liza Minelli Replaces Bush for
Scout Jamboree
It has been the festival from hell
for the 31,788 Boy Scouts attending the National Scout Jamboree at Fort Hill
in Virginia. On the very first day, four scout leaders were electrocuted
while setting up a large canopy next to power lines. Then the weather turned
hot, very hot.
On Wednesday, the scouts were
supposed to get a visit from President Bush. They stood outside waiting for
him in the broiling sun wearing their dress uniforms until they began to
drop like flies, one by one, until three hundred of them had passed out from
heat exhaustion and dehydration. And then the skies opened up and drenched
their little asses. Bush did not show up.
On Thursday they waited again,
hoping for a glimpse of the man who had been president since they were all
knee high to a grasshopper, but at the last moment, presidential spokesman
Scott McClellan called to say that Bush needed to shampoo his hair. He asked
what their plans looked like for Friday, and told the scouts that the
president absolutely might show up then, adding "you never can tell".
Today the scouts received the
final blow, when McClellan called back and told him that the president would
not be able to make it at all, but was instead sending his personal envoy,
former star of stage and screen, Ms Liza Minelli!
Many of the scouts expressed
their disappointment. "Screw the president," said little Jimmy Dawkins of
Omega, North Dakota. 'I didn't even know who this lady was, but the scout
leaders have made us listen to her music all day in preparation. She sucks.
And she looks like my grandma." Told that Minelli would also be accompanied
by youthful musical favorites Good Charlotte as well as members of the cast
of 'The O.C.', little Jimmy brightened. "Oh well, I guess anything is better
than another snipe hunt". |
