"Whoa, Barney! What's going on here?"
"Arf"
"I can't even see the helicopter."
"I can't even smell the helicopter."
"Everybody's disappeared. This is like some weird dream."
"Maybe it is a dream, master. You know I've got a pretty
good snout on me."
"You're right, Barney. Remember that Twilight Zone where
the earth is getting closer and closer to the sun?"
"Refresh my memory, would you master?"
"Okay, there's like this girl who's in an apartment in the
city, and everybody's getting out of town because it's so hot. Because of
the sun thing that I was talking about. They're all going up north to
Antarctica where it's cooler. And it just gets hotter and hotter and she
can't get anything at the grocery store except for a couple cans of fruit
juice and a bag of radishes. And it just gets hotter and hotter and then the
thermometer explodes."
"And?"
"I don't know Barney, that's about it. Except the girl
wakes up, and instead of heading towards the sun, the earth is headed
away from the sun."
"Rod Serling wasn't really much of a storyteller, was he
master?"
"You got that right, partner. Freeze, fry, anyway you look
at it, everybody's a gonner."
"I think I'd rather freeze, master. How about you?"
"You kidding? I love the heat. And you, Barnmeister, are
going to be frying with me as soon as we get to Crawford."
"Arf! Arf arf arf!"
"Don't worry, buddy, I'll let you have full run of the
pool. Just as soon as we get out of this dream and find the helicopter."
"Maybe this isn't a dream, master. Maybe it's the
rapture."
"Spoken like a true dog. If this was the rapture, you'd be
hearing the horns of Jericho. And between you and me, I don't think dogs get
raptured anyway."
"Not even the President's dog?"
"I don't think so, big guy, but I'm not an expert here.
Anyway, let's try to get out of this dream."
"Okay, but how do we do that?"
"You bite me, and then when I holler we'll wake up."
"Bite you? I think not. What if this isn't a dream? Then
everybody will be running around like 'Oh, bad Barney, you bit the
president, now we're going to have to put you to sleep'."
"But we already are asleep."
"I don't know, master. I smell something fishy here..."
"Thought you couldn't smell anything."
"It's a metaphor, master."
"Well forget about the metaphors and bite me. Come on,
Barney, bite me! Owwww! Jeez Louise that hurt! Bad dog! Why'd you have to
bite me so hard?"
"Oh, man..."
"Well, if I can't wake myself, I'm going to dream us up
some nachos."
"Nachos!"
"And beer. I don't think it's cheating if I have a
few cold ones in my dream, do you?"
"I don't think there's a jury in the land that would find
you guilty for that, master."
"That's my dog." |
