Nation Hails Increase in Daylight Savings
Time
Happy halibuts bask in the surplus sun
It has taken him four years, but President Bush finally has
his new energy bill. He admits that
"This bill is not going to
solve our energy challenges overnight," and also agreed that the bill will
have no affect on gas prices, or even do much to reduce our dependence of
foreign fuel. And yes, as some naysayers would point out, the bill's biggest
provision is to give billions of dollars in subsidies to energy companies
who are already making record profits under the Bush administration. But one
portion of the bill has received praise from all points on the political
spectrum - the four week increase in America's supply of Daylight Savings
Time.
Democratic National
Party Chairman Howard Dean grinned from behind a pair of Ray-Bans while
drinking a Pina Colada, even though it was only eight in the morning. "Okay,
okay, even though this administration has been a disaster on every level
imaginable, sometimes even a blind dog can dig up a good bone. This is a
masterstroke, a royal flush, a golden ticket for all Americans. An extra
month of Daylight Savings Time - wahoo! Who wouldn't love that? I
think the president's only miscalculation on this issue was not going far
enough with it. From now on, I'm going to try to position the Democrats as
the party of two extra months of Daylight Savings time."
Presidential spokesman
Scott McClellan quickly responded, accusing Dean of speaking recklessly.
"The sun is not a renewable energy source, and we must be careful not to
squander it needlessly." He added that "two extra months of Daylight Savings
Time could result in a crisis where future generations would not have enough
daylight to go around." |
