|
Leading presidential contender Dick Cheney is
back in the spotlight again, taking on the miniscule anti-war movement while
the ship of state is taking on water (and his nominal boss is taking on
Lance Armstrong). Speaking to a group of veterans in Springfield, Mo.
yesterday, Cheney ignored topics such as military strategy or the lack of
focus on actually combating terrorism instead of encouraging it. Instead he
focused on how the Iraq invasion was, you know, kinda like the Revolutionary
war, and how anyone who opposed it was, you know, kinda like Benedict Arnold
or worse. Yeah, definitely worse.
After reminding the audience of how Saddam Hussein flew
his planes into the World Trade Center, he explained that deviating from the
administration efforts would be "turning over the future of mankind to tiny
groups of fanatics committing indiscriminate murder, enslaving whole
populations, oppressing women, imposing an ideology of hatred on an entire
region, and arming to create death and destruction on an unbelievable scale.
And that doesn't sound so peachy to me."
He also discussed a new program designed to delight our
soldiers and demoralize our enemies. "Every man and woman who fights and
sacrifices in this war is serving a just and noble cause. And to show our
appreciation, I'm happy to announce that the Defense Department is launching
a new initiative which we call 'Virgins for the Valliant'. You know that our
enemies value death over life, which is why they promise their so called
martyrs 72 virgins in paradise. As if this were a good thing. Ann Coulter
recently asked the question 'Have you ever seen those women?' Heh, not only
that, but you have to be dead and in heaven to get them, and you know all
these bastards are going to fry in hell."
"America, on the other hand, doesn't want our people to be
martyrs. This nation has the most beautiful virgins on the face of the
planet, over 5000 of whom, I'm proud to say, have already signed up for the
VV program. Our virgins are the envy of the world, and one of the reasons
our enemies hate us. They know that these virgins are something that is far
beyond their reach. That's why they need so many of them in paradise to even
attempt to come near the quality of a single American virgin. Virgins for
the Valiant will give every man who serves in Iraq their choice of 72
virgins upon their return. And for every woman who serves, we've got
a top of the line toaster from Sunbeam." |
