Don't Cry to Me, Venezuela
Ann Coulter
(Archive)
August 25,
2005 |
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Sometimes it's hard life being one of America's leading conservative
thinkers. Not to mention the additional stress caused by the burden of being
America's prettiest right wing pundit (unless you count Michelle Malkin, who
is clearly of a foreign persuasion - look at the eyes, people!) This
difficulty is a result of the demands required to be a team player in the
march for a renewed America; demands that are sometimes a by-product of the
insipid talking points provided to my discerning cranium by The Committee™.
Imagine. You sit down at the keyboard with your Mocha Frappuccino and
Gauloises Blondes, open your briefing papers, and find that The Committee™
wants you to write about how the mainstream media is getting more
conservative. Big woof! Oh, I am so sure that a story like that is
going to get me a ton of air time. Yeah guys, what will it be next week? A
column on the proposed new fuel economy standards for light trucks?
But yes, alas, I am a team player, so here goes. Big media is
big business. The US is becoming evermore politically conservative. Viewers
mean money. Big media needs a big audience, and therefore is moving to the
right.
Done.
Now to the real news of the day. This is one of those weeks
where I have been out-staged. Usually that is something I just hate, but
this week is somewhat different, because the out-stager is a man-of-God. Not
that I'm not a girl-of-God, but it's not what I do for a living. (Maybe when
I start to lose my looks; we'll see when the time comes). I have to
admit that Pat Robertson is a genius, a man with uncommon gifts, one of
which is his ability to speak the blunt truth time after time without
suffering all the negative repercussions that the rest of have to deal with
whenever we say something a little bit 'controversial'.
Does Venezuelan strong-man Hugo Chavez need to be killed, as
Robertson suggested this week. Of course he does. Even President Bush won't
deny it. Why would he care about the well being of a dictator who called him
an A--H---? Cheney, I understand, was tickled pink that someone threw the
option on the table. And Rummy, who much like me is working this month, just
smiles and says 'Aw, we can't do that, it's against the law'. Meanwhile, Pat
can just mumble an apology, and come back to speak truth the next day on the
700 Club. If we're lucky, next week will see him calling for Cindy Sheehan
to be throttled.
Back in 1980, Pat said "We have enough votes to run the
country. And when the people say, "We've had enough," we are going to take
over." And of course, he was correct. But be that as it may, there are still
a number of obstacles standing in the way of the United States achieving
it's destiny.
Is there anyone in the country - except for the liberal
pantywaists - who is afraid of Venezuela? Of course not! A case can be made
that Muslims are scary, what with their swarthy unshaved features and those
towels they wear on their heads. (And isn't it funny that they wear towels
when it's obvious that they haven't showered since Allah was in knee pants?)
But Venezuelans - come on! We could take them out in a three day weekend.
Venezuela has threatened our sovereignty for long enough,
what with their giant anacondas and mid-riff baring dancing girls. Since
1998, when the spineless Clinton administration inexplicably let the madman
Chavez come into power (democratic election, my foot), the number of alpacas
in this country has risen by an astounding 500 percent, with no end in site.
And lest anyone think that there are any real differences between the
extreme Islamic fundamentalist countries and Venezuela, simply take a look
at the oil markets. The Land of the Midday Sun is selling us oil at
sixty-five dollars a barrel, even though they are less than a quarter of the
distance away from us as Saudi Arabia!
Look at a map, people! These people are breathing down our
necks, just waiting for Chavez to give his deadly orders. Yes, it takes
vigilance to protect ourselves against Arab terrorists, but given the will,
we at least have the know-how. They look funny, speak like they have a
mouthful of marbles, and can be smelled from a block away. Not so with the
Venezuelans, who look and speak just like Mexicans. If you have half a
brain, as patriot Pat does, I think that you can see the problem
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