Jackson Brokers Deal With Sunnis
Michael Jackson has accomplished what scores of politicians
have been unable to achieve: bringing Iraq's Sunni population on board in
support of the nation's newly minted constitution.
"Mister Jackson is very wise," said Islamic Party
Secretary-General Tareq al-Hashemi. "He looked me in the eye and asked 'Why
can't we all just get along'. I thought about his question, and found that
the answer was that there was no answer. Of course we should all just get
along. And so we shall."
 Jackson
was in Iraq at the behest of Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, who had
lobbied President Bush to name him as a special ambassador. "Everybody loves
Michael," said Rice. "And he just seemed like a natural to bring the
county's factions together. My only surprise was the speed with which he was
able to accomplish his goal."
"We are giving him the key to Sulaymaniyah," said al-Hashemi,
"and roasting up our fattest goats. Ah, if only everyone had the golden
heart of this man, the entire world would be at peace."
"Truly is he a citizen of the world," said radical cleric
Sheik Muqtada al-Sadr. "But for today he is the king of all Iraq, and more
importantly, my friend. Just this morning he asked if my young son Akbar
could be his companion for the remainder of his stay. Never have I been so
proud."
Jackson demonstrates the moonwalk for a
contingent
of Shi'ites, Sunnis, and Kurds |
