Tuesday, September 06, 2005

"Jack, get us a couple of Heinekens, please." "Yes sir, Mister President. Here you go." "Bill, that is without a doubt the very best secret service guy I've ever seen." "You bet he is, George. He can do anything, and do it fast. Go ahead and give him a try." "Okay, I will. Jack, could I have some smoked gouda?" "Yes sir, Mister President. Here you go." "My goodness. Well, here we are again, Bill, together again." "Yeah, here we are again. Seems like every time I see you, we're in the middle of some disaster or another." "We're good at it... It's... It's a calling of sorts. But you can't deny we've had some good times too." "You're right, George. Best seats at the Superbowl." "And that little jaunt to Rome. I mean, it was sad about the Pope and all, but the rest of the time..." "And President's Day, whoo whoo! It's nice to know another former President who knows how to party." "Ain't that the truth, Bill. Look at the slim pickings I had to choose from. Before you, I mean." "Thank you, George. You're not so bad yourself. You know, in retrospect, you're starting to look pretty good." "What? That's not supposed to be a put down of my boy, is it?" "Of course it is, George." "Hahahaha. Never could measure up to the old man. I always thought that Jeb would be..." "Look out behind you, Mister Presidents. Incoming." "Thanks, Jack. I was..." "Hey fellas! Hey fellas!" "Oh no..." "Yiiii!! It's Jimmy Carter! Run away! Run away!" "Hey guys. What you all talking about?" "Important stuff, Jimmy. You know that big storm down south? We're helping to lead a relief effort, and we're..." "Should you guys be drinking beer right now? It's only two in the afternoon." "You mind your own affairs, Jimmy Carter. Bill and I have had ourselves a rough trip, and if we want to kick back with a couple of beers, it's none of your damn business, you old stick in the mud. You ever wonder why none of the other presidents wanna hang around with you?" "Sorry Bill and George, but I..." "That's Mister President." "Right, Jimmy. Try and show a little respect for the office." "Okay, Mister Presidents. I was just thinking that maybe I could give you a little hand with the relief efforts." "Not a chance, Jimmy. This is a job for the Ex-President's club." "But I am an ex-president!" "Well, yeah, I believe you are, Jimmy. Before Ford, right? A long, long time ago." "I was after Ford!" "Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. Get a hold of yourself. What George is trying to say is that you may be an ex-president, but you're not a member of the Ex-President's club. Big difference. So unfortunately, we are going to have to refuse your kind offer." "Oh, man..." "Now scoot, Jimmy. We've got important things to talk about." "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why I can't be a member of the Ex-President's Club." "Jack..." 2:10:37 PM    comment []

To the deep consternation of many of the richest 1% of Americans, Majority Leader Bill 'Bill' Frist has announced that the Senate will not make the repeal of the estate tax it's first order of business upon resuming work today. "The president wants us to work on an aid package for Hurricane Katrina victims, but I'm not so sure. Money doesn't grow on trees, you know. But what the heck, he's got a point. Appearances are everything." Many Americans who are wealthy-but-fading-fast are enraged that the issue will not come up for a vote for another week or so. Harry Puddingham is one example of golden wormbait who promises not to die until the repeal is a done deal. "It's outrageous," he tells us. "You pay these crippling taxes all your life - at least if you don't have a good accountant - and then when you go to your final reward - or die, anyway - they come around for another heaping helping of your hospitality." The estate tax currently exempts the first 1.5 million dollars of an estate from taxes, although that amount is set to rise annually until the year 2010, when there will be a one year moratorium on all taxes. (Many of America's wealthiest citizens are expected to spend that year in undisclosed locations.) Some conservatives have been worried about whether they can get the required sixty votes to overcome a filibuster on the repeal, but Frist says that it should be no problem. "I've been working with Trent [Lott] to rename and reposition the bill, and I think it'll be read to fly in the next week or so. We're calling it the 'Big Easy' bill, and launching a promotional campaign to honor our dead in New Orleans through it's passage. We don't think they should have to pay any estate tax, and I'm willing to bet that most Americans will agree with us." 10:00:42 AM    comment []