Monday, September 12, 2005

"Mister President! Mister President!" "You're with the press, aren't you? I see you've got a pen in your pocket." "Yes sir, local press, The Times-Picayune." "Picayune? That's a pretty darn racially insensitive name for a newspaper to use. And you're a black man yourself if I'm not mistaken." "Yes sir, I am... And I think the word you're thinking of is pickaninny." "That's where you're wrong, son. I never thought of that word in my life. Go on, ask me your gotcha question." "I was wondering, Mister President, if you..." "You were wondering if I hate black people, weren't you? Well that's just an untrue fallacy. You see who I'm talking to right now." "The dalmatian?" "No, the black guy standing behind me. His name is James, but I like to call him Jimmy. The dog I just rescued from a floating house. Poor feller hadn't eaten in two weeks, at least that's what he tells me. Might be tryin to trick me into giving him another sandwich." "Would you..." "Stop it. Stop it right there. I'm going to answer your disrespectful question right now. Would I have acted quicker if the city of New Orleans had been full of rich white people? Let me tell you first off that that's a hypothetical question. For one thing, to be perfectly honest, if the city was full of rich white people the story might have gotten a little more attention from the national press. That's what we call an institutional bias." "Not to be argumentative sir, but there was plenty of press coverage." "I don't get my news from the press, son, it's too slanted. I get summary sheets from my staff. They boil it all down for me into an easy to read format - politics, sports, entertainment, world events, the whole shebang." "I..." "I know what you're getting ready to say, and the cold hard truth is that I usually skip over the weather section." "But couldn't..." "Couldn't someone have personally told me? Yes, in theory, they could have done that. But they don't like to do that, cause I get real cross with 'em and start yelling. Look, you ever hear of Newsweek magazine? I was reading one on the flight down here and they had an article about the situation. Says my people are scared of me, don't like to give me bad news. Says that I didn't even know the gravity of the situation till Thursday night when we had our staff meeting." "So I..." "That's right. You shouldn't blame me, you should blame my messenger." "Do you..." "I don't like playing the blame game, but since you state it so eloquently, I do think it's time someone stepped up to take responsibility. My messenger is Becky Higgins, a former GS-11 from the Defense Logistics Agency. Busted her all the way down to a GS-7, and if she thinks she's gonna get a performance award this year, she's got another thing coming." "How can..." "How can you possibly thank me? Don't worry about it, son. It's part and parcel of being the president." 4:48:19 PM    comment []

Easy Confirmation Seen for Roberts With Jack Nicholson, on the set of 'As Good As It Gets' The Senate began hearings this morning for the next chief justice of the Supreme Court. While some experts expect Judge John G. Roberts to take a public grilling from conservatives, they predict that he'll quickly win confirmation, as he has little in the way of known opinions. Outgoing justice Sandra Day O'Connor recently noted that "outside of show business, I'm not sure that he has any opinions at all. O'Connor's assessment may be right, as the forty-two year old actor only began studying law in 2002, during the filming of the Farley Brothers farce 'Stuck on You'. "I was doing research for my role as Marty in 'Legally Bland', and I really got into it," says Roberts, who notes that the film has been languishing in post-production for almost two years. "I mean, wow, the law, it's so big, you know, so vast. And I thought to myself, that's an area where I could really make a difference. It's like, you know, it's like that show 'Talk Soup' that I used to host. It was just a small show on a little network, and when I would tell people that I was going to be an actor, they would laugh. But I did it. They all said the same thing when I told them that I was going to be chief justice someday, but look at me now." Roberts expects tough questioning on some of the movies that he's appeared in, such as his role as Bob Crane in Paul Schrader's 'Auto Focus', which Senate Majority Bill Frist has described as a "dirty, dirty movie". Roberts defends his decision to appear in the film. "Senator Frist knows even less about acting than I know about the law. Look, this was a chance to play the man behind 'Hogan's Heroes', the show that proved Nazis weren't just evil, they were hilarious. I'm as proud of that role as I am of playing 'Captain Amazing' in 'Mystery Men'." Many see him as too inexperienced to helm the high court, but Roberts, who describes himself as a quick learner, sees this as an advantage. "I mean, I'm not carrying all the baggage some of these other guys are. What's so wrong with that? I'll listen to all the arguments, cast my vote and move on. It's an easy gig. It probably won't even cut into my acting career. With Will Ferrell on the set of 'Kooks on the Loose' 12:16:03 PM    comment []