Congress to Take Up Top Ten Tax
With the US budget deficit currently hovering around the 350 billion dollar
mark, Congress is hard at work trying to figure out how to pay for disaster
costs without causing the budget to swell up like an engorged tick suckling
on the belly of a fetid mongrel dog. Initial estimates for Katrina recovery
are already 200 billion more than what the country doesn't have in the bank.
"The president said we're going to rebuild New Orleans, and
rebuild it we shall," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "We have our
marching orders, and just as soon as we get our shoes and socks on, we're
ready to go. Unfortunately, we can't build this city on rock and roll. Heh,
heh, that's a popular culture reference. God, I hate that song."
During a bipartisan brainstorming session of House and
Senate members, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi suggested a rapid
draw-down of troop levels in Iraq, an idea that was greeted with
high-pitched laughter and catcalls. "That's fuzzy headed girly-think," noted
House Speaker Dennis Hastert.
Another idea that was quickly shot down was the removal of
some of the pork from the recently passed 286 billion dollar highway bill.
Senator Tom Coburn, who made the proposal was asked to leave the room.
Congresswoman Tracy Velasquez of
Bozeman,
Montana, explained the politics at play. "We've only got 25,000 people in
the whole area. We need a 4 million dollar parking garage like a hole in the
head. Still, as a politician, I've got to deal with Chris Pope, head of the
Bozeman Parking Commission, and a mighty powerful man in the Bozeman
metropolitan area. He's got the locals all worked up into a frenzy about the
new parking garage in downtown Bozeman, and if I don't bring home the bacon,
my goose is cooked."
'The Check Is In The Mail Social Security Delayment Plan'
was also shelved, but only because House Majority leader Tom Delay insisted
that his name be part of the bill.
Surprisingly, the one idea that got widespread support
came from Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid. "Listen guys," he told the
group, "I know that you don't want to hear the 'T' word, but TAXES. There,
I've said it. But wait a second, I'm not proposing that we all share the
pain. No, I'm just thinking about, oh, ten people or so. You know, the
ten richest Americans. Gates and Buffett, that's 90 billion, get those
five Waltons, that's another 90, then toss in Allen, Ellison and Dell, and
you've got money to spare. Hell, you could even leave them two or three
billion each and still be on target."
"That's... that's pure genius," said a stunned Senator
John McCain. "It's beautiful... Nobody would be mad at us but ten people,
and what are they gonna say, 'Oh poor me, poor me, the government took
everything but our last three billion."
"Yeah, that's going to get a lot of sympathy," agreed
Senator Hillary Clinton. "We'll just call them the top ten greatest American
patriots', and order up some medals."
|
