True Goal of
the Bush Agenda
Frank J
Rutherford
October 6,
2005
Over the past five years, there have been
more attempts to explain the erratic actions of our forty-third
commander-in-chief than there are costume changes at a Madonna concert. What
secret goal does George W Bush strive to kick the football of his legacy
through? It would seem that the man and his mission are more elusive than a
good table at Terrazza when Elton John is playing Caesar's Palace.
Changing titles as regularly as Jerry Lewis
changes socks, one wonders just what president he is. For a while he was The
War President, then he became The Peace President... but only for a brief
period. More like a blackout, really. He's been The Education President and
The Environment President, and perhaps my personal favorite, The Getting
Things Done President.
But is he really just The Befuddled
President? Good question. Speaking to my close friend conservative
strategist Jeremy Stratocaster over cocktails on Wednesday, I got an
unwelcome adrenaline-laced shot to the arm when he unveiled his own high
powered analysis of the man who drives the supercharged sportscar of
America.
"Frankly, Frankie," Jeremy told me, "At the
moment, George W Bush is playing the role of The Unification President."
"Whoa!" I replied, feeling every bit as
confused as Lindsay Lohan at a busy intersection.
"What on earth do you mean?"
And so Jeremy patiently explained things to me,
emphasizing the ever-widening ideological rift that had opened between
conservatives and liberals, Republicans and Democrats, left and right, red
states and blue states... oh, you get the picture. All the bad voodoo which
sprang forth from Clinton's lusty loins back in the naughty nineties.
Could it be true - George W Bush being The Great Uniter?
Yes! The scales fell away from my eyes, much the way follicles of hair fall
away from the balding noggin of Bruce Willis.
Perhaps this was the plan all along, to bring the
American people together in one massive moaning voice, much like the Mormon
Tabernacle Choir with a heavy-duty hangover, a voice which asks the question
"George W Bush, what the heck are you thinking of there, boy?"
For example, some folks believe that we should redouble
our efforts in Iraq, others think we shouldn't be there to begin with, but
absolutely nobody thinks that we should just 'stay the course', when the
course is as scattered and confused as Hansel and Gretel's trail after an
attack of starving starlings. Spending priorities are a constant source of
disagreement, but nobody thinks that after you've flushed away the budget
surplus, and then clogged the toilet of the economy with with sacks of IOUs
written in red ink, that you should just go back to the grocery and pick up
another bottle of Drain-O.
Therein lies the genius of Bush's nomination of Harriet
Miers to the Supreme Court. The nation is once again united in yet another
what-the-heck-are-you thinking-of moment, confusion reigning down just like
the mighty downpour which fell upon George Clooney in 'The Perfect Storm'.
Liberals feel that everything that Bush does is wrong, while conservatives
feel that Bush can't do anything right. This, at last, is the common ground
to which our president has wisely led us, much the way that Charlton Heston
led the Jews out of Egypt and into the promised land, even though it took
about forty years.
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