Let me frighten you...
I'm pretty sure I can do it. I've been working on it for
years, working on my wake-up call. Up to you whether you want to sleep
through it or not.
There's a lot to be afraid of. I'm not talking about that
trivial stuff like high gas prices, or the cost of heating your home.
Here's your presidential solution - get a bicycle and a sweater. If you
can't manage that, you're just not trying hard enough. And I'm not
pondering imponderable things like the national debt. Can you even
conceptualize such an amount - seven trillion and change? Neither can I. So why bother with it, when I
can more easily frighten you by reminding you of the big picture.
It's a scary world out there. How bout that list of
ten
terrorist plots that my administration broke up? Would of been a lot
of dead people if those had been successful, but they weren't. But then
there's always the next attempt, and the attempt after that, and let's not
even mention the ones we haven't found out about. You know, this isn't the
sort of information that the government usually releases, but I had to,
because people were starting to lose faith.
Faith is important. You know those stories about me getting
my directions from God, doncha? Now you've got that Palestinian guy,
Nabil Shaath,
quoting me to
the BBC, saying
"God would tell me, George, go and fight those terrorists in
Afghanistan,
and I did, and then God would tell me, George, go and end the tyranny in
Iraq,
and I did." Well, don't pay any mind to what my boy Scotty has to say. I
really did say that to old Nabil . Meant it too.
Speaking of the Deity, guess who really selected Harriet Miers? Heh. I
read where my good supporter Jerry Falwell says the liberals would 'vote
no on Jesus'. Better not be any conservatives that fall into that
trap.
Scared yet? I'm just getting warmed up. Remember a couple of weeks ago,
back during the hurricane, when I said that it might be a good idea to
militarize areas hit by natural disasters? That's some real food for
thought, ain't it?
Speaking of martial law, my previous remark got so little reaction in the
press that I thought I'd float it out again, kinda get folks used to
hearing it. I mean, there's a
lot of instances where that might be the only sensible way to go. Like
in some sort of an electoral crisis, or maybe an outbreak of that bird
flu.
And
make no mistake about it, the
bird flu pandemic is coming, and when it gets here, it's gonna be a
humdinger. We need to hurry up with that vaccine, stockpile at least
enough to take care of the brave men and women who will be providing
health enforcement. It's kinda like we're living through the biblical
plagues, isn't it?
Just like the plague of terror. Did I mention that the terrorists are
looking to create a
radical Islamic empire that spans from Spain to Indonesia? They can do
it too, if the United States loses it's will, and deserts the battleground
of Iraq.
But
you don't have to worry about that happening as long as I'm standing
watch, and I'll stand watch as long as necessary. I know Dick Cheney's
been saying we need to be prepared for 'decades
of war', but he can't read the signs like I can. I don't think we've
got decades left.
|
