| Bush Relents, Nominates Man With Brain
Judge Sam Alito favors making Halloween a national holiday, a
move many Democrats feel would have grave implications. He also has publicly
come out in favor of those minature Snickers bars.
In a desperate attempt to clear his plate before the wee
trick-or-treaters begin knock knock knocking on his door, President Bush has
shocked both conservatives and liberals by nominating a competent person for
the Supreme Court.
"Judge Alito has served with distinction on the court for
15 years, and now has more prior judicial experience than any Supreme Court
nominee in more than 70 years," Bush said, a tiny grimace crossing his face.
"Gol-dangit, that's a lot of years. My daddy was just a young whipper-snapper
the last time someone had that much experience. I, myself, did not yet
exist. And even if I had, I could not be president today, as I would be an
anomaly. Huh. The White House is giving out Kit-Kat bars tonight, and not
the little ones either. They're embossed with the presidential seal, so
they're probably better for collecting than they are for eating. But then,
you know how kids are."
Democrats were quick to react. "Abortion," said Senate
minority leader Harry Reid. "Abortion abortion abortion. Abortion."
"Yeehaw," said Kansas Senator Sam Brownback, who might
just run for president in 2008 if he can only get people to remember his
name. "We're going to have us a pig fight. Now maybe folks will stop
focusing on, uh, sorry, I seem to have lost my focus."
Meanwhile, blonde teenager Natalie Holloway is still
missing in Aruba, and six more soldiers were accidentally killed in Iraq. |
