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Story Writes Itself
In the District of Columbia, a story wrote itself today
when the Washington Post headlined a page 2 piece
Bush Orders Staff to Attend Ethics Briefings
Pundits, liberal and conservative alike, found it
difficult to add any subtext that the average reader needed beyond the
headline, which told of the president's effort to signal his seriousness
about what he calls 'bad bidnez'. Bush has said that he will not put
up with any shenanigans, and to put a cherry on that sundae, he ordered...
Well, you read the headline.
"The mandatory ethics primer is the first
step Bush plans to take in coming weeks in response to the CIA leak probe...",
the Post story reads.
"...that led to the indictment of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Vice President
Cheney's former chief of staff, and which still threatens Karl Rove, the
deputy White House chief of staff. Although it has been asked by many
funnier sources than ourselves, what sort of name is 'Scooter' for a grown
man, anyhow? It's a good question, and one we can't answer.
A senior aide said Bush decided to mandate
the ethics course during private meetings last weekend with Chief of Staff
Andrew H. Card Jr. and counsel Harriet Miers. Harriett Miers... hmm, we've
heard that name before. Another corpse along the path of gnarled and
grizzled glory. Wonder if they'll edit this out... That's a good line,
gnarled and grizzled glory. Nah, they'll never read this far. This piece
goes into the clip book.
What the fuck? I'm supposed to pad a seven
word story into three hundred words? I'm going to write a column, that's
what I'm going to do. Send it off to King Features. I've got lots of ideas.
Like, did you know that all government employees are required to go
to boring ethics briefings every year? Big duh. This story is a total sham.
I'm going to blow the lid wide open on this thing.
I wonder why they call it a lid? Is it
because a story is like a jar, somehow? Neatly contained until the contents
are shockingly revealed, like cold pickle relish making startling contact
with a steaming hot bratwurst? I don't know. |
