|
You're traveling
through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of
mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of
imagination.
That's the signpost up ahead...
Let us now introduce one
Douglas Patton, a
man who has both
political
speechwriter and policy advisor printed upon the yellowing face of his well
worn business cards. And though he would be reluctant to admit it, Patton
has another craft he plies as well - that of political columnist. Mister
Patton has not been sleeping well lately, because of certain disturbing
dreams, dreams about the past, frightening dreams where history itself is
not only rewritten, but shockingly transformed. Tonight's episode of the
Twilight Zone is appropriately titled 'Nightmare
on Pennsylvania Avenue'.
On August 25, 2004, headlines across
the country screamed the story: 'Our Worst Nightmare Realized'; 'Dirty
Bombers Strike Five Major Cities'; 'Now We Truly Are At War'; and 'Millions
May Be Dead!'.
A ragged newsboy wanders down the street, tears
streaming down his dirty but innocent face: "Extra! Extra! Millions die in
nuclear blasts! Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The end is surely nigh!"
Narrator: "Meanwhile the president is in a
state of near paralysis".
President Bush, winging his way
across the Pacific on Air Force One after a trip to Asia, ordered the
Pentagon to DEFCON 1, where it stood prepared for all out war, but with
whom? Was this, once again, the work of Osama bin Laden? Was it Saddam
Hussein? Both? If only he had pushed harder to take out the Iraqi dictator
when the intelligence clearly pointed to him as a source of weaponry for
terrorists.
The plane's radio crackles and an urgent voice
is heard: "Mister President, we're locked and loaded. Are you receiving our
signal? What is our target? Repeat - what is our target?"
George Bush looks morosely at a Jack Daniels
mini-bottle, tears streaming down his clean but guilt-stricken face. He
hurls the bottle to the floor and buries his face in his hands. Whispering.
Prayer-like. "I wish... I wish to God I knew... Was it Osama... No, he's not
powerful enough on his own... He can't be... It must be... no, maybe it's...
no... yes... it's both... both of those monsters... Saddam helping Osama to
destroy... Oh, no... Heaven help me... If only I had pushed harder to take
out that damnable Iraqi dictator when the intelligence clearly pointed to
him as a source of weaponry for terrorists... Oh... I've let them all
down... Dad... Dick... the American people..."
Congress immediately returned from
its August break for a special emergency joint session. Strangely,
Washington, DC, had not been among the cities hit...
Narrator: "Rather strange, indeed..."
...but in the interest of security,
members of the House and Senate met under heavy guard in the underground
at STRATCOM Headquarters at Offutt Air Force Base, near Omaha.
Narrator: "STRATCOM, near Omaha, Nebraska...
Why did I bother to mention Washington DC..."
"Mr. Speaker, I can scarcely utter
the words," House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, intoned.
Flashback
shot of Nancy Pelosi, earlier that day, in a Washington DC dressing
room, surrounded by a flurry of make-up artists. She is wearing only an
ivory colored teddy, and sipping a Cosmopolitan while watching the horrific
scenes of destruction on three HDTV screens. The volume is turned off, and
the sounds of Franz Ferdinand fill the room. George Soros is smoking an
enormous doobie.
"George,
please don't bogart that joint. It's Iraqi gold, you know..."
"This morning, downtown Manhattan,
Atlanta, Minneapolis, Seattle and Los Angeles are smoldering, radioactive
ruins. We have no idea how horrendous is the loss of human life today."
Cut to limo shot, where Pelosi is swigging from
a bottle of Cristal.
"Was I properly dramatic, George? Oh, don't get
me wrong... I do feel just horrible about this whole mess, but if we can
just bring George Bush down in disgrace, I think it will be all worth it.
Anything to save our precious abortion rights".
Close up of Soros with an evil grin. Spittle flecks the
corners of his lips: "Don't worry, darling. We'll always have Washington
DC."
Narrator: "Their precious abortion rights
were hanging by a mere thread... How many more would die for their denial of
the threat from outside?"
"Our nation is under attack as never
before," Sen. Harry Reid, D-NV, said in a wavering voice. "God help us
all."
Close up of an angry God: "No way, Jose."
For a few days, the nation stood
united, much as it had after the September 11, 2001, attack. There was a
clear sense of frustration. America, the most powerful nation in the
world, had the capability to strike back with the most terrible arsenal
ever assembled. And yet, we sat, contemplating the consequences of our
actions.
Two
lobbyists sit at a fabulous bistro on K Street in Washington DC,
eating quiche and mixed fruit. One opens his Prates Brunelleschi Italian
leather briefcase and casually drops his Buccellati Sterling flatware
inside.
"Got to
run, pal. I'm off to see Senator Ted".
"You think
he's going to bite on our proposal?"
"Sure
thing. He is the conscience of the nation. Ahahahaha."
"Ahahahahaha."
Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA, was the
first to break the bipartisan spirit. Speaking on the floor of the U.S.
Senate, he delivered a blistering address accusing the president of
ignoring intelligence suggesting that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass
destruction.
Narrator: "Weapons of mass destruction...
It was so obvious..."
"The president had every opportunity
to take out this evil dictator," Kennedy said. "We all knew he had WMDs.
We all knew he had ties to terrorists. We all knew, but it was the
president's responsibility to deal with Saddam Hussein, and now America is
paying the price for George W. Bush's incompetence."
Cut to Oval Office, where an exhausted
President Bush is conferring with his top aide.
"So that's it, Jenna? You think that we should
give bin Laden the state of Israel, and just issue a declaration of
disapproval to Saddam? With millions dead?"
"We have to, daddy. The Bible says to turn the
other cheek. And besides, with no drilling in ANWR, we're still dependent on
them for oil. Iraq is offering us twenty-six dollars a barrel till we can
get the country back on it's feet."
"Damn this country and it's unsavory addiction
to foreign oil. If only we had listened to Al Gore... I wonder what Karl
would have said..."
"Put the bottle down, daddy! Karl is in jail."
After that, Senators Hillary
Clinton, Dick Durbin, Joe Biden, Tom Harkin and Barbara Boxer all took up
the cause. In the House, Rep. Maxine Waters, D-CA, a member of the House
Judiciary Committee, was the first to utter the 'I' word - impeachment.
Narrator: "The first to utter the I word...
Ironic, isn't it?"
"Mr. Chairman," she announced in a
committee hearing in late September, "this president has failed to defend
this nation in time of war. His actions in ignoring clear intelligence
concerning the danger of WMDs in the hands of a lunatic borders on
treason. At the very least, he is guilty of willful, criminal
incompetence. Therefore, I am today calling for articles of impeachment
against one George Walker Bush, President of the United States."
Cut to the O'Reilly factor: "...has sold
the country down the river in a rickety rowboat. There are no second acts on
the American stage, and the very least we owe this president is a speedy
impeachment, and a lifetime behind bars, where he can ponder his reluctance
to act to save the country he was elected to lead. To do anything else would
be ridiculous."
A few loyal Republicans in the House
and Senate tried in vain to stop the proceedings, but in the end, George
W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States, became the first
man ever impeached, convicted and removed from the office of the
presidency.
Close up of Douglas Patton, sweating, sheets
twisted, eyes moving rapidly behind closed lids. Camera pulls back to reveal
Rod Serling, smoking in a darkened corner of the room.
"Douglas Patton, a man condemned to not only
relive history, but to constantly rewrite it, in all it's terrible
permutations, each equally possible, at least here, in The Twilight Zone."
|
