"Jeez, boss, you're not gonna want to hear about this, so don't
freak out on me, okay? You know those Arab guys? The Iraqis? They're kinda
like askin' for, look, I'm gonna come right out with it... they're askin'
for a timetable. And it's not like what you think. It's like a timetable for
us to get outta the country. Ingrates."
When one initially witnesses metabolic
changes of such a frenetic nature, outward manifestations... indeed, a
transformation wherein the manifestations of the transformation are so
shockingly manifested, one has to really wonder: What if the Hulk were to
fight the Thing? I mean a real fight, not just a comic book fight. A real
fight, here in reality..
"See, boss, this whole thing transcends family, you gotta
see that. They're playin' kiss-ass with the Sunnis now. A timetable? A
fuckin' timetable, after we've explicitly made very obvious, boss, you have
made it very clear that we don't do timetables."
If the Hulk and the Thing really did have
a real fight, right here in the real world, there would have to be
consequences. I mean, here, in reality, when one gets rammed in the chest
with an iron girder, one does not simply jump up and bash ones foe with a
massive boulder of concrete ripped from ridge of the crossover of the
Cronkite bridge. No, one suffers a little. And so it is with all.
"You're lookin' more than a little green here boss. C'mon,
let me pour you a nice three fingers, cause there's more I got to tell you.
They're sayin'... These cocksuckers are sayin that all of Z's guys he's got
gunnin' for us, they're sayin' that they got a 'legitimate right' to resist
us. They're with the terrorists. They are the terrorists. They're all the
fuckin' terrorists. This is war, boss, this is fuckin' war."
Or is it mere folly to assign human
weaknesses to these graphic characters, even when they are forced to do
battle in the real world of reality. If you prick me, do I not bleed? Not
necessarily...
"Hold on boss, I'm gettin' the Hulk pants for ya. Pour
yourself another one. That's some good shit, idn't it? Laphroaig 40 Year
Old. Okay, hold on to your hat, boss. Look, I'm gonna read you somethin'
from the
AP. Try not to explode, will ya?"
In Egypt, the final communiqué's
attempt to define terrorism omitted any reference to attacks against U.S.
or Iraqi forces. Delegates from across the political and religious
spectrum said the omission was intentional. They spoke anonymously, saying
they feared retribution.
"Spoke anonymously? Goddam
right they
spoke anonymously. Cause there is going to be
retribution."
One suspects that at the end of the day,
The Thing would emerge victorious in what would surely be an awesome and
epic battle, were it indeed taking place here in the real world of reality.
Unlike the Hulk, the Thing has many allies, including the brilliant
scientist Reed Richards, and it is without doubt that one of these
colleagues would provide him with sufficient weaponry to ensure that he
defeated his foe. And let me just say in advance to those who would
opine that if the Hulk and the Thing were real but the other characters were
not, we might well have arrived at a different outcome - yes, but that is
beyond the scope of this discussion.
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