Monday, November 28, 2005

First Lady Delighted with White House Tree First lady Laura Bush opened the White House door to members of the press today, as she showed off the 'best tree ever'. The eleven foot plastic and fiber optic tree is one of a kind, and was designed by the good folks at Spencer's Gifts as a gift to the Bush family. The tree is based on Spencer's two foot model, which Ms. Bush reportedly 'just fell in love with' last year, giving a number of them as presents to friends of the family. "Everybody just loved them," said the first lady, who gushed about the trees in an interview with Ladies' Home Journal. "Laura Bush has given us a ton of free publicity," said Steven Silverstein. "This is the least we can do in return. We're on track to sell eight million of the regular model this year, and this swell lady is the one responsible".   4:33:23 PM    comment []

Saddam's Half Hour in Court   "I am not a monkey, and this is not a circus," shouted a red faced Saddam Hussein, moments after his on-again off-again trial was on-again. "I am the Lord of Hell-fire, and demand another piece of pie." Due to the unfortunate death of his lawyers, the pie (lemon chiffon) had to be served by the prosecuting attorney. Saddam took one look at the pie and flung it across the courtroom, demanding a cheeseburger instead. "All my captors serve me is chicken," he explained, "and sometimes a man desires a taste of cow." Hussein demanded that his handcuffs be removed before entering the courtroom, and then bitched about having to walk up the stairs, initially stating that he would "just wait" until the elevator was fixed. He then fidgeted uncontrollably while the days only witness (unfortunately deceased) was heard on videotape. "I have paper," he yelled, "but nowhere is a pen! Where is my pen?" When told by the judge that it was in his hand, Saddam scowled before growling "I'm talking about my red one." The court adjourned until December 5th, to allow Hussein to search for a live attorney. 11:55:48 AM    comment []