Fried Green al-Qaedas



  Fried Green al-Qaedas
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

"Just look at them scurry. Aren't they just the cutest things?"

"Oh my heavens yes. Ho ho ho."

"Roll over, Miss Beazley. Roll over."

"Ho ho ho. Look, Barney's biting her little tale."

"They're just playing, Santa. They go on like that for hours."

"Well, I could sit here and watch them for hours while they do. Ho ho ho. Just look at that little dog spin."

"Do the whirling dervish, Miss Beazley. Pretend you're a helicopter."

"Ho ho ho. Hee hee hee. Whoa! Mwah ha ha ho ho. Did you see that? Her little eyes rolled up into the back of her head. Ho ho ho ho."

"Now look what Barney does."

"Ho ho, uh, ho... That's nothing special, Mrs. Bush. He's just humping her. A lot of dogs do that."

"Not to my precious Miss Beasley, they don't. Play dead, Miss Beasley, play dead."

"She's already doing a pretty good job of that..."

"She doesn't want to disturb Barney, that's all. Now crawl Miss Beazley. Come over here and I'll give you a treat. After you shake hands with Santa, that is."

"Very pleased to meet you, Miss Beasley. That's really cute. She almost..."

"Now give Santa some sugar."

"Ho ho ho. Please, no. I just don't like that."

"Aww, is the big fat man being mean to Miss Beasley? Come over to mama, snoogums."

"I really prefer the name Santa to big fat man, Mrs. Bush. But yeah, just for the record I don't care to be slobbered on by peoples dogs."

"Stand up and beg."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Hush. I'm talking to Miss Beasley. I've got her treat right here... Beg, Miss Beasley... Now hop on one leg. Good girl. Here you go, sweetie."

"Did you just give that dog a jalapeno pepper?"

"She loves them. She says she'd like you to bring her a whole big bag of them for Christmas."

"Whatever..."

"Miss Beazley says to thank you very much. You sure you don't want some doggy kisses?"

"No, especially with that jalapeno breath. Hey, I've really got to run."

"Okay, Mister Sourpuss, we'll see you in a couple of weeks."

 


5:38:21 PM    comment []



Press Briefing 12/13/05



Scott McClellan: ...and even though it's getting a lot of praise from the critics - most of whom, I hasten to point out, are quite liberal - the president thinks that there is something inherently icky about the whole topic of gay cowboys. And I hasten to agree. So no, Karen, I don't think the president will be watching 'Brokeback Mountain' any time soon.

Reporter: Follow up, Scott. How about 'King Kong'?

SM: Oh, yes. The president is very anxious to see that. All he's wanted to talk about this week is that 'big gorilla'. The studio is sending a print over later today, and he's as excited as a kid at Christmas. As you know, Prime Minister Berlusconi is scheduled to meet with him later today for talks, and the president hopes to make short shrift of it, then head straight to the screening room. Mr. Lanihan?

Q: Speaking of Italy, The Pope has...

SM: Good transition there, Philip.

Q: Thanks. Pope Benedict, as well as a host of other foreign leaders, have issued statements highly critical of the execution of Tookie Williams which took place last night, some going as far as to call it barbaric. I wonder if you know whether the president was at any time tempted to intervene.

SM: You're kidding, right?

Q: No.

SM: Well, I don't think the Pope, or any of these other self-styled experts, have ever overseen the execution of anyone, so they're really speaking from a void. Let me just remind you that President Bush oversaw 150 executions while he was governor. That's fifteen percent of all the executions in the past thirty years by one man in only a six years span. A remarkable feat. So I guess we know who the real expert is. Stretch?

Q: Yes, Scott. In his speech yesterday, the president compared the war in Iraq to the American Revolutionary War. Can you explain in what way that makes any sense at all?

SM: I think that what the president was getting at was, uh, that both events are wars, and a lot of people die in wars, and America was and is involved in both of them, so yes, in many ways they are quite similar. Ms. Thomas?

Q: Scott, a lot of the experts believe that after we begin removing our troops from Iraq, the country will quickly descend into an all out civil war.

SM: And that's why we are going to keep our troops right in there. Helen, you're just reinforcing what I said a minute ago to Stretch about the similarity between the war in Iraq and the Revolutionary War. If you remember your history, after this country achieved it's independence, it ended up fighting the Civil War. And perhaps if we had had somebody occupying us at the time, that never would have happened. Mr. Carlyle?

Q: Scott, the president told NBC yesterday that, quote, 'I don't feel in a bubble'. Isn't that a rather disingenuous statement? As well as being grammatically incorrect?

SM: Ed, I think you're trying to second guess the president about the bubble that he may or may not be in. He also said the everyday he looked at a newspaper. And it's not just the comics, either. He doesn't even look at those until he's finished with the sports section. Ms. Everett?

Q: Scott, getting back to the holiday movies for a second...
 


12:50:08 PM    comment []



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