Politicians Race to Admit
'I Don't Know Jack!'
It was a turned-around, mixed-up, zany sort
of day in Washington, as befuddled bureaucrats furiously flapped lips to say
the one thing we already knew - 'I don't know Jack!'.
So what happened here? Are politicians
keeping their New Year's Resolution? Did April the 1st arrive a little too
early this year? Is the entire town smoking wacky weed? No, no, and no!
They've just heard that entertainer extraordinaire Jack Abramoff is
releasing his first CD ever - 'The King of K Street' - and they all want to
be first in line to say they've never heard anything like it.
Meeting before Judge Paula Abdul yesterday,
Jack was more than ready to talk about some of the music itself. He pleaded
guilty to making the first great pop album of 2006, even without the benefit
of drugs or mental illness. Topics addressed in the eclectic song mix
include the joy of fraud, 'Fraudulent Love', failure to disclose illegal
payments, on the album's standout number 'Bribery', extreme
misrepresentation of assets, 'Just an Illusion' (multiple remixes on the
'Illusion' EP), tax evasion, 'Lazy Afternoon', and the pleasures of fucking
with Tom Delay on 'Bug Boy Boogie'.
"Jack Abraham? I guess I've
heard of Abraham Lincoln, right? Father of our country? Sure, yeah. Weird
with a beard. But Abramoff - doesn't ring a bell. Abraham Lincoln doesn't
have a song about me. Does he?" -
former House Leader Tom Delay
"Outrageous."
White House spokesman Scott McClellan
The King of K Street - Available Now!
Features 'Bribery', 'Send in the Clowns', 'From Russia, With Lunch', and
'Toxic'.
"They say he's outrageous. I'm
sure I wouldn't know." - Rep Bob Ney
"He's got the songs
that will make you cry, and the songs that will make me cry." -
House Speaker Dennis Hastert
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