Newt Knows!
Unhappy Jack
Newt
Gingrich
January 6, 2006
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Wow, I type that date in - 2006 - and I feel a rush. It's the first time
I've used those numbers, what with all the holiday benders and such. Yes, I
love the holidays, but now I'm back to work. I have been since yesterday,
actually, but I spent all day catching up on my email and such. It really
piles up quickly, even if you use a good spam filter and stay away from
Microsoft as much as possible. There oughta be a law... Oops, I guess my
words are just going to fall on deaf ears, because you know what? Even
though I'm back at work, Congress is still on vacation.
They say that the president takes a lot of vacation, but I tell you what,
congress has no problem taking a week off for anything, even Martin Van
Buren's birthday. (Trivia moment: Who defeated MVB in his run for a second
term? Give up? It was William Henry Harrison, who used to taunt MVB by
calling him 'Van, Van, the used up man'. But I digress.)
You know, one of the consequences of congress
still sleeping it off is that it gives this rather peculiar president
of ours the opportunity to work without any oversight. I know that's the way
he likes it, and that's the way he's had it for the past few years. But come
on, people, every time congress goes out to take a whiz, President Bush puts
another crony into office with a recess appointment. I mean the guy really
seems to have it in for the Homeland Security Department, doesn't he? You'd
think he would have learned something after FEMA and Mickey Brown, wouldn't
you? Maybe the truth is that he really isn't interested in learning
anything.
I'd call Immigration and Customs Enforcement
probably the most important department at HSD at the moment, wouldn't you?
At least it is in the mind of many true conservatives (and I know
you're all out there). So who does our nominal Commander in Chief appoint?
Julie Myers (boy that last name sounds familiar), a hack who's already been
rejected by both the left and
right, and who's major experience is being married to Michael Chertoff's
chief of staff. And that's just the pickle of the iceberger - check out
Ellen Sauerbrey for another brilliant appointment.
But I guess this congress is just a lot
busier than we were back in 1994 when I helped to launch the Republican
Revolution. Too busy taking juntas to Scotland for a little round ball, too
busy eating rare meats and drinking exotic wines, where it's all you can
gorge for a dollar (and you get change back). Patriots? Absolutely. They'd
be on old Jack Abramoff's private jets flying to a skybox to watch the
Patriots, the Colts, and if they played out of town, even the Redskins.
When you're waging a revolution, you're
looking for the best fighters, not the best men. And so the gang we brought
to town a dozen years ago has turned rotten quicker than those crates of
unrefrigerated chicken decomposing in the post-Katrina sun. It's time for
another revolution, my friend. This time from the inside.
Hi, I'm Newt Gingrich, and this is the first
edition of my new column, 'Newt Knows'. The Democrats are gone, the
Republicans are going down, and I've got a feeling I'm going to be your next
president.
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