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Enormous Tunnel Creators in Enormous Danger
The government claims to have received
intelligence that the creators of the 'Biggest Tunnel Under The Border Ever'
may be in imminent danger from people who are every bit as despicable as
themselves. According to an
undecipherable AP report
U.S. Immigration and
Customs Enforcement said it had received intelligence that the Mexican
drug cartel behind the tunnel had threatened the lives of people who had
used it or were involved the passageway's design or construction.
What? Excuse me? The tunnel was being used
for drug smuggling, with several tons of marijuana discovered at the US end
point, but Michael Unzueta, the special agent in charge of the agency's
investigations in San Diego, appears to be alluding to some sort of
inter-cartel warfare over it's use, an unlikely scenario give the fact that
the secret tunnel has 'been discovered'.
"Anybody connected with the tunnel should
come and see us immediately," says Unzueta, "so that we can, uh, protect
you. Yeah, that's the ticket. We want to protect you. And, uh, we've got
cold Coronas. And nachos!"
The tunnel, dubbed as the 'Bastardos
Disimulados Expressway', was discovered just last week, 60 feet below
the US/Mexico border. Although it is over half a mile long, lined with
fluorescent lights, and features a 7-11 and a Taco Bell at it's midpoint, it
is only five feet high, meaning that only very short people can use it.
Authorities believe the tunnel is related to the recent influx of Mexican
midgets in the San Diego area. |
