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Vice President Cheney Briefly Hospitalized
Vice President Cheney was taken to George
Washington Hospital for treatment last night following the president's State
of the Union message, when his hands unexpectedly swelled up like two giant
pink beaver tales. At first, the staff was worried about internal bleeding,
but after examination, Dr. Bill Peterson stated that Cheney was suffering
from a case of congenital hand failure.
"We tend to see this sort of case following a
particularly rousing public event such as a Neil Diamond concert or a
performance of 'Cats'," explained Dr. Peterson. "It occurs when an
individual beats their hands into a bloody pulp while demonstrating their
adulation for the performance. The vice president should be okay after a
couple of days rest, but don't expect to see him playing the bongos anytime
soon."
As it is considered impolite for the
president to initiate applause during his own speech, this duty
traditionally falls to the Vice President, although in emergencies the
Speaker of the House may serve as a substitute. "It was tough on Mr.
Cheney," said Dr. Peterson, "all that standing up and sitting down and
standing right back up again. He almost made it through the speech, but
eventually the old clappers went out on him. It had to be hell. I understand
that this was the first State of the Union speech in modern history to be
composed entirely out of applause lines." |
