Ping Li or Jo
Jo?
Frank J
Rutherford
February 3,
2005
|
Print |
Send
Color me demoralized and flog me with a whip of prickles, but I just cannot
for the life of me understand the president's latest assault on free
enterprise, disparagingly spewed forth during his State of the Union
address. For a man who trumpets leadership as his prime virtue, George W
Bush has not only slapped American business silly, he has pulled down it's
collective pants and administered the equivalent of an atomic wedgie. It is
time for all of us to stand up and shout 'Hey, leave me alone!'
No, I'm not talking about the silly 'addicted
to oil' comment. Perhaps the liberal medial didn't 'get it', but anyone with
half a brain realizes that this was an example of Mr. Bush's notorious sense
of humor - a mocking reference to former veep Al 'Ozone-Man' Gore's
relentless whining about Mother Nature. That old broad can take care of
herself, says I, and the president couldn't agree with me more heartily. The earth's
been spinning for many a year, but more about that later.
The rhetorical beast at issue in this debate
goes by the name of Manimal, the human-beast hybrid that's been so prevalent in
the news as of late. Mister Bush has shockingly declared that he intends to
oppose the creation of all future chimeras. One can but sigh at such
short-sightedness. A focus on alternative fuels does not threaten the
American economy, it strengthens it. Yes, the titans of the oil industry
will rise to the challenge. Whether it be hydrogen, switch grass, or cow floppings, American business will prevail. But to ban human-animal hybrids
is to hand the future to China on a silver platter. We should be increasing research dollars
instead of speaking of a ban. China is already estimated to be three years
ahead of the US with their manimal program.
President Bush has helped create an
aristocracy that is the envy of the entire world. Many of us in the ruling
class are wealthy enough to buy anything our hearts desire - anything but
hearts, that is. Or kidneys. Or even a functional pair of balls. Much of the
world holds a stubborn bias against harvesting organs from human bodies,
irregardless of how willing or dead the donor might be. That places the
would-be patient in the untenable position of having to deal with doctors
with dubious credentials in dirty third world countries such as Kyrgyzstan
or the tiny nation of Togo. Not a very attractive option for our nation's
finest, is it?
And that is where the beguiling promise of
manimals shines like the mid-day sun as it peeks through the clouds
of rain soaked Dublin. While many among us might disdain the idea of removing the liver
of Ping Li the peasant girl, none but the short-sighted would object to the
vivisection of Jo Jo the pig-boy. While Jo Jo may technically be half human,
there is no denying that he is also half lunch.
And what of the future? One thing that must
be said about the doom and gloom naysayers is that occasionally they are
correct (much like the broken clock which is right twice a day). Yes,
apparently there is such a thing as global warming, and it's only a matter
of time before much of the earth's surface is covered by the oceans. Surely
the president must realize that if American biogeneticists are not allowed
to continue their promising research to breed man with fish, we shall soon
be a nation totally unprepared to breathe underwater. For shame, Mister
President. Will the Chinese have free reign in the coming wet world while
good Americans are confined to a few lonely mountain tops? In the name of
freedom, I say no.
|
