Today's Topic: What A Dick!
Katy Hipke & Mark Hoback
Hey Katy, what with this being a new project
and all, why don't we start out with an easy topic. Dick Cheney certainly
comes to mind. What a natural. And I'll bet that nobody else is even
touching the 'Cheney Shoots Old Man' story. Whaddaya think?
-mark
I think, Mark, since you asked, or meant to,
that, yes, Dick Cheney should be fined for not having a license to shoot
wealthy aging republican lawyers. And, okay, I'm no sportsman, but shouldn't
he have been further from the car? Did anyone honk? Call out, "Hey, how
'bout we quit 'hunting' and come on out of the weeds and go have some
lunch?" Because that might be considered baiting.
Kudos, though, for at least taking down an old one, and not something
strictly for it's trophy wife or a really big hat that would look great over
the mantle. I'm all for managing the species by weeding out the old and
sick... and God knows Texas has way too many republican millionaires.
What are your thoughts? -katy
It's a great story, Katy. It has everything -
millionaires, guns, quail, mmm, I guess that's about it. I was reading
through this morning's press briefing and as usual, it goes nowhere. Check
this out.
Scott McClellan: "...and I'm sure you'll understand that one
thing that is definitely off limits at the moment is the unfortunate
incident involving Harry Whittington."
Question: "That's rubbish, Scott.
The vice President shoots an old man and you tell us it's off limits?"
SM: "First of all, Whittington was sprayed, not shot. You don't
shoot someone with a shotgun, you spray them with pellets, much like a
sprinler. That's a fundamental fact in this case, even given the
possibility that the Vice President was involved. I realize that some
members of the media prefer the word shot because it sounds more dramatic,
but that in itself reveals a biased mind set."
Q: But you wont deny that he's an
old man."
SM: Mister Cheney is sixty-five
years old and in the prime of his life.
Q: Not him. The other geezer.
SM: I've already allowed you one
follow up, Jack. That's enough. Susan?
Q: "Yes, Scott. Would you know
whether or not the Vice President was blotto when he shot the old guy?"
SM: "I would categorically deny that
Mr. Cheney ever gets blotto, even when the situation practically demands
it."
Q: What about the time he stabbed
the Crown Prince of Nepal?
SM: To the best of my knowledge he
was not blotto at the time. Stretch?
Q: It seems to me like Cheney was
trying to keep this whole thing secret if it was possible. Why hasn't he
made a statement?
SM: You would have to ask him that.
Q: But he's not going to answer.
SM: That's correct.
They've already spun the story so that it's
totally Whittington's fault for standing in front of Cheney's quail. By
tomorrow they'll have him suicidally leaping in front of the pellets.
-mark
I've just gone out to purchase Eric and I
hunting licenses for Valentines Day. We're going to spend a romantic
afternoon tomorrow at the Country Club, maybe shoot a few old cows. Baiting
is NOT LEGAL here, but I am bringing along a few lipsticks in very bright
colors to scatter near the drinking fountains. Parking has been a problem,
especially in the winter. Those handicapped review mirror tags are just
invitations to clean up the herd. -katy
Talk about cleaning up the herd. Here's an
interesting scenario to ponder. Last Friday, the rumors that Scooter Libby
had been told to leak classified information by his superiors were beginning
to reach critical mass, with a number of Republicans joining in the call for
intensified investigation. Friday night Cheney flies to Texas to do him some
quail hunting. (Do people actually eat quail? I've never seen it on the menu
at Dennys.)
You see where I'm going with this. How do I make this story go away? I know,
with a more entertaining story. And it's only a little buckshot. The old guy
might not even lose an eye... -mark
|
