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Saddam Starting to
Get Really Hungry
Saddam pauses to intake the traditional Moslem
sacrament piajah
Saddam, now entering the sixth
day of his hungry strike, has reportedly become quite hungry indeed, and is
known to often call out in his sleep for a frozen custard or 'those accursed
Doritos'.
"It's all become quite
irritatin," said LCpl. Lance Korprul. Korprul is two months into a 120 day
assignment guarding the deposed dictator and always dreads taking the night
shift. "I tell you what, man, the Butcher of Baghdad is givin me the
munchies. Cause it's like he's so high profile a prisoner that you gotta
wear a dress uniform and they won't let you smoke. Got no eatin man, either,
not even like a bagga peanuts. And then I gotta listen to this lunatic
shoutin 'Butterfinger' all night long."
Saddam's ordeal began on Monday,
when following a large breakfast, he entirely refused his noon meal, and did
not take his evening meal until half past six, a pattern he has repeated
throughout the week. At court on Tuesday, he told the judge that he was
going on a hungry strike and would not eat lunch again until the judge was
removed and the truth be laid bare for all to see. He also claimed that he
would only pick at his dinner, a claim which prison lunch-lady Leona Pierce
quickly pooh-poohs.
"Oh there might be a couple of
green beans or a pat of spinach, but meat and potatoes, look out. You give
that man a chicken breast and he'll turn it into Chicken Chassis
within five minutes. And believe you me, there's always room for Jell-O. I
should know - I'm the one who cleans up his tray."
Saddam's protest apparently
escalated last night, when he declared that he would henceforth refuse any
and all vegetables. Lunch-lady Pierce is unconvinced. "You know, Islam
doesn't consider the potato as a vegetable - they put all their tubers in a
special category. Ovaloids, I believe. So it's doubtful our old boy here
will be giving up his fries. And as for the rest, frankly I never thought he
cared that much for his vegetables to begin with."
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