|
democracy
The Triumvirate looks to Karl for an answer
"...so what it all boils down to is this; we don't really want democracy in
the Middle East. It was a dumb idea, Karl, some real peckerhead thinking on
your part."
"Tell me about it. Just a fucking brilliant idea, Karl."
"Yeah. Big time.
"Shut up, Dick. You're on probation."
"Heh, heh. Dick's week to wear the dunce cap. But you see, George, you see
what happens when you listen to Karl instead of us? You see what happens to
you then? Now you've got a democratically elected Iraqi government
that Iran is licking their lips over. Now you've got the Muslim Brotherhood
picking up power in Egypt. Democratically. Now you've got
democratically elected Hamas in Palestine.
"Hey, don't look at me. All I was doing was trying to help spin your boy on
his way past the WMD fiasco that you guys started."
"Boy, did you ever."
"Yeah. Big time. Oops. Permission to speak."
"Granted."
"We should have stuck with the WMD story. We never should have relented on
that one. Syria, Syria, Syria. All we had to do was say that the weapons had
disappeared into Syria. Piece of cake. Discipline."
"Ah, Dick, if we'd stuck with that, we would have had to go ahead and do
something about it, and you know that wasn't on the agenda... Sigh. Not that
the agenda is exactly making monster truck traction here. We don't even have
our oil yet... thanks to democracy.
"Look, fellas, just what would you have had me do? Lose the trust of the
American people?"
"Nope,
no sir, nope nope nope."
"What a miserable little sniveler you are."
"Mister President! Mister President! The vice president spoke without
permission!"
"Shut up, Karl. You do snivel a lot. That's something I look for in an aid.
The point is, here we have a new government in Palestine that says it's not
even going to abide by prior agreements that recognize Israel's right to
exist."
"Thanks to democracy..."
"That's absurd. Of course Israel exists. It's as obvious as the nose on my
face."
"He said 'right to exist', didn't you boss?"
"Snivel a little louder, won't you turd blossom."
"Heh heh heh. Gotta hand it to you, George. That is about the best nickname
ever. Just perfect for this guy. You know, your daddy wasn't very good with
nicknames."
"No, not like me..."
"Your dad would meet a William, and he might call him Will or he might call
him Bill or he might call him Willie..."
"...but he wasn't going to call him Turd Blossom!"
"Mwah hahahaha ah hahaha hee hee hee hee arr arr arr arr..."
"Huh huh huh uh huh uh hee hee hoo..."
"Ha."
"So anyway, how do we do it? How do we go about saying that maybe democracy
for the Middle East might not be the most pragmatic of ideas?"
"I don't know, George. How do you unscramble an egg?"
"I know! I know!"
"You know how to unscramble an egg? Fiddlesticks."
"No Mister Hot Shot Vice President. I know how to reverse course on
democracy."
"Well, hit us with your vision thing Mister Turd Blossom. Mwah hahaha...
uh... mmm... Proceed."
"We redefine it."
"I'm all ears."
"First we say that the president misspoke..."
"Hold it right there, Turd Blossom..."
"Hear me out, hear me out. First of all, we all know that the US is a
republic, not a democracy..."
"You're kidding me. I didn't know that."
"Good,
good, Mister President. I told you guys this would work. See, we say that
when the president said democracy, what he was really thinking about was a
country like America, and he thought that America was a democracy because,
well, after all, he was only a C student..."
"C+, but go on..."
"I still say we go after Syria."
"There'll be time for that later, Dick. Continue on, O Wise One."
"Okay, okay, in a republic, you have minority rights..."
"Don't like the sound of that..."
"And you have natural rights instead of civil rights..."
"Kind of a trade off, then."
"But in a democracy, you have no minority rights, just civil rights, which
are like favors granted by the ruling majority. So in matter of fact, a
democracy is nothing but a dictatorship of the majority. Which means that
democracy..."
"Democracy is bad. Brilliant!"
"Down with democracy!"
"I like it Rovester. I love it. But instead of me saying that I was misspeaking, can't we just say
that I was talking under the influence of faulty intelligence?"
"Yes sir, we can."
|
